Tag Archives: transgender

Are Transgender Conferences Fading?

The last few years have brought about some changes in the world of transgender conferences.  And it’s a little concerning to those of us who enjoy attending this type of event.

After 10 or 15 years of status quo, the first thing to shake the tree was the disappearance of  the Be-All conference in Chicago.  Although where were rumors of infighting and mismanagement, most of us will never know why the management team decided to call it quits.

Most recently, the Southern Comfort Conference organizers announced they’re moving the event from Atlanta to Weston Florida in the Fort Lauderdale area.  It was no surprise, really, that changes were necessary but I always thought the location was the best thing about SCC.  I loved that hotel!

When I was there in 2013, the only three ‘seminars’ that even remotely appealed to me were all cancelled on the ‘day of’, and it seemed we were in charge of making our own fun.  Generally speaking, I came away wondering what exactly I had paid for.  My response to a request for post-event comments was met with hostility because I had negative observations and no suggestions for improvement.  Improvement, for me, is to stop giving them my money.

The organizing team are presenting positive attitude after announcing the change but we all know they must be concerned.  In spite of some pretty decent media coverage, the move isn’t being very well received except by those who live in Florida.

Gal’s Spring Fling, here in Ontario, might also be on the chopping block.  The organization of the event is in the hands of a single person who seems to have lost the energy to continue.  Time will tell but I would expect an announcement in a few months.

From my observations, it appears that Keystone Conference, First Event, Colorado Gold Rush and Erie Sisters Gala are all doing well and growing.  Although there are many other events, I can’t comment if I’m not aware of them.

Fantasia Fair is a big question mark for me.  Although it appears to have very loyal attendees, the clique and attitude is best suited to the mature transgender to the extent that young trans folk might not feel welcome.

It appears they’re struggling to find a suitable location in Provincetown to accommodate current attendee numbers for their Saturday night gala so maybe growing the numbers isn’t desirable.  But who will be there, in the not too distant future, when the small and aging crowd can no longer attend?

So, in summary, I have to wonder if large, all encompassing transgender events have run their course.  Back in the days when most of us were forced to remain stealth, getting together occasionally with like-minded spirits was huge.   And that enormity was a motivator for organizers.   These days, with Girl’s Night Out’s and Pub Nights happening monthly in many areas, the need for large gatherings has lessened; similar, maybe, to the effect that small casinos have had on Las Vegas.

I just returned from Fantasia Fair and will review this year’s conference in a separate blog post.  But the highlight of my year will continue to be the Keystone Conference in the spring.

Please, Keystone organizers … don’t change a thing!

Gender Dysphoria’s Smoking Gun?

Let me start by saying that the opinions expressed here are mine. I’m not a medical professional.

An article came to my attention recently that’s been on my mind lots.   It’s really a petition, not an article, and it’s written by a gentleman in the UK.  He’s petitioning the FDA to acknowledge that hormone therapy during pregnancy can lead to intersex genital development or transgender babies.

You can read the entire petition here but since it’s rather long, I’ll try to summarize it for you.

Between 1940 and 1980 (1971 in the US) doctors around the world commonly prescribed Diethylstilbestrol (DES) to pregnant women at high risk of miscarriage.  DES is a synthetic estrogen and the doses were huge .. some claimed them to have been the equivalent of a hundred birth control pills.

DES was sometimes prescribed in the first trimester but more often in the 2nd and 3rd.

I’m unable to verify this but the belief is that massive doses of “estrogen” in the 1st trimester – the time when physical genital development occurs – can lead to abnormalities; abnormalities we refer to as intersex .. often vagina/penis or ovary/testicle combinations in the same person.

I think it’s quite likely that the whole transgender phenomenon of recent times is largely being driven by people who were exposed to DES or other female hormone derivatives before birth. ~ petition  creator Hugh Easton

Massive doses of DES in the 2nd and 3rd  trimester of pregnancy, when brain development occurs, can be responsible for gender dysphoria (the mind of one gender and the body of the other) as well as non gender related problems such as depression, ADHD and autism.

If this is all true, it would explain a lot to many of us and might finally answer the question so many of us ask … why?

I can immediately make an observation that could discredit this way of thinking.  How do we explain transgenderism and the intersex condition before DES was used?  Historians tell us that transgenderism and “hermaphrodites”, as they were known back then, have been around for centuries.  And what about female-to-male transgenderism?

I suppose that if this were to be proven conclusively, an avalanche of lawsuits would follow and neither the pharmaceutical industry nor the medical community would like to see that.  And within the transgender world, there would likely be as much anger as there would be peace.

Maybe the DES treatment was overkill but at that time in history, even if the transgender risks were understood, the alternative would have been a risky pregnancy and a likely miscarriage.

So maybe being trans and alive isn’t such a bad deal.

Maybe it’s time to have a conversation with your mom, if you’re still able.  But wait until after Mother’s Day.

 

Note: I’ve created a survey here to try to gather some understanding from those who know about treatment their mother’s might have had while carrying them.  Please take moment to complete the survey and share it with the trans people in your life, whether there was a DES connection in their life or not. In fact, no DES connection is equally important in helping us understand.

It’s a non-scientific survey, or course, but it just might give us some food for thought.  And if doing a short survey is not your thing, you can check the live results here.

Invoke Societal Change First; then Pass Laws to Protect

Today, the OntariSeleenaK_8861so Human Rights Commission launched a new policy to protect the rights of transgender individuals.  Does Ontario need this?  Well, yes .. and no.  Let me explain my feelings.

From this girl’s experience, and from the experiences of many of my friends across the country,  Canada has been a relatively friendly place for trans people for many years.  It’s now in our culture to be accepting. Yes, marriages do end, families become estranged, friendships dissolve sometimes but jobs are usually kept and violence, both emotional and physical, is negligible.

And yes, there are individuals and pockets of individuals who don’t share a philosophy of tolerance but they’re relatively rare.  But since no one has pushed or angered them, their behavior usually falls into the “indifferent” category.

Since I spend lots of time in the US, I wish they could understand this concept .. what I like to call the “Canadian model”.  You see, first we change public feelings .. then we add laws and policies to take an official stand on that societal change.

We did this with same-sex marriage a decade ago and are doing it now with trans rights.

Every November, we observe the Transgender Day of Remembrance and we remember those who have lost their lives for simply being themselves.  Brazil, Mexico and the US are usually the top three countries where these tragedies occur.  Canada doesn’t even make the list. ~ Seleena Kay, preaching from her “you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar” pulpit

The US, in my opinion, is doing it entirely backwards.  There has been less of a cultural change promoting acceptance of same-sex marriage or trans rights.  But the laws are appearing regardless and the activists are claiming victory.  This does nothing except  make law-abiding people, though judgmental via their upbringing or religious beliefs,  feel like criminals.  And in those feelings bitterness thrives.

Are these extreme right wing “moral” people wrong?  Absolutely they are!  But can they change?  I believe they can be defused at the very least.

It’s that bitterness that could get someone like me seriously hurt.  And the law means nothing to either the perpetrator or the victim while an act of violence is being committed.  And this scares me.  Even the police scare me there.

So bravo to Ontario.  Bravo to the OHRC for the new policy.  And bravo to Canada for putting the horse before the cart!

You can read more about the policy here.

Laura Jane Grace

I’m not sure if you’ve heard of her. Since most of my crowd is more mature, I assume many of you have not. But, in my opinion, she’s the face of transgenderism for the next generation. And she’s a fabulous spokesperson.  Intelligent, sincere and very pretty although not as “girly” in appearance as some of us strive for, Laura Jane Grace is a songwriter and the lead singer/front person for a band called Against Me!  Transgenderisn appears often in her songs, which I would call dark folk with a grunge influence.  Not my cup of tea but I do respect her work.

Below is the link to her interview done by George Stroumboulopoulos for the CBC up here in Canada. It’s 22+ minutes in length but well worth a peek.

Strangely, most of the transgender community seems united with their positive feelings about the interview, although many have expressed displeasure because she failed to correct George when he said something about her “choice to transition”.  Personally, I had no issue with that and even if Laura Jane did, rather than get into a discussion which likely would have caused Strombo to correct himself for his choice of terms, she had the class to move forward.

“You want them to notice, the ragged ends of your summer dress. You want them to see you like they see every other girl. They just see a faggot. They’ll hold their breath not to catch the sick.“~ from Transgender Dysphoria Blues by Against Me!

Aside from being a good interviewer – he does his research – George is really a non-judgmental guy who truly does understand.

Laura Jane mentions she suggested the book Whipping Girl by Julia Serano as recommended reading for those wanting more information on gender dysphoria.  Although I’ve heard of the book, I haven’t read it but likely should.  If you’re interested, it’s available here.

Yes, Laura Jane has it easier than many of us.  Her generation isn’t a locked in to the rigid gender “rules” quite as tightly as my generation is, she lives in the music crowd  – a stereotypically non-judgmental grup – and is married to an artist, but the internal challengers and conflicts she once experienced were the same.

Although she’s doing a wonderful job bringing transgenderism to the young masses, there’s something going on behind her eyes that I find somewhat worrisome.  I wish her well.

And to George Stroumboulopoulos, well done!

Website Update and Conference Plans

I thought it was time to check in with you to tell you how things are progressing with my new-look website.

I continue to add photos to the galleries in the Members area.  Lots there … tons more to add, and I’m adding daily right now.

SeleenaK_3686My video page, also in the Members area, needs a new, more polished look.  I’ll work on that eventually but for now, all the videos are there.

I’m making progress in bringing all my blog entries to the new site.  I’m working backwards chronologically and everything from today to early 2010 has now been restored.

Whew!  Lots of work!

On a more fun note, I’m seriously thinking of attending Gals Spring Fling in eastern Ontario next month.  I’ve wanted to attend this one for years but it always fell around a weekend that was difficult for me.

The town of Gananoque (pronounced gan-a-NOCK-way) is in the heart of the  Thousand Islands on the banks of the mighty St. Lawrence River.  It’s one of the most beautiful areas of Ontario.

The Thousand Islands extends on the Canadian side from Wolfe Island near Kingston, On., to the Brockville narrows at Brockville, On.. On the American side they extend from Tibbets Point on Lake Ontario to Morristown, N.Y. – per http://www.1000islandsontario.com/

The event is presented by Ottawa-based Gender Mosaic with help from Toronto-based Xpressions.  According to everyone who’s attended, Sophia, Amanda and staff create a totally wonderful experience.

And the town truly welcomes us with open arms.  This is very incredible for a town with a year round population just over 5,000.  But they do love us!  Or our money!  Or both!  haha!

If you’re planning to attend, please let me know.  A comment here or email to the address on my Contact  Me page would be fabulous.

Banned From Flying

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A couple recent news stories caught my attention.  They involved a pair of very well known transgender “performers” who were escorted off a WestJet flight from Toronto when it landed in  Edmonton.  Both were detained briefly; one was charged with causing a disturbance.

It appears the “situation” started when a flight attendant made a comment to the effect “you guys have to teach us how to do makeup.  You know, because you used to be guys right?“.  While this, to me, was not exactly an insult, apparently it was to the girls.

The first use of the word “guys” is used all the time and is not always a gender-specific reference.  It’s like “folks” but somewhat more casual .. at least not in the dialect of Canadian English I’m used to.  The second use of the word “guys” was used to state a fact, and “used to be guys” really was an acknowledgment of the fact that they are no longer considered to be guys.

But Lexi got technical.  If you consider us guys, then it’s not against the law for guys to take their top off .. and she proceeded to do a striptease down the aisle of the plane.  What an asshat.

SeleenaK_000843You can read the whole story here.

Apparently both girls were still carrying male ID, and therefore were told by police that if they were incarcerated, it would be in a cell with males.  She made light of it saying that it sounded like it would be a good time but the reality is that most normal incarcerated criminals would have beaten the crap out of her.

Their interviews with the media were silly .. they made light of the entire incident.

So after spending time in Edmonton, with tickets in hand, they arrived at the airport for the trip back to Toronto.  Air Canada this time.  But were told at check-in that they were banned from flying based on their behavior on the other airline.  Would WestJet allow them to fly home?  Not a chance.

Luckily for them, VIA Rail was kind enough to let them travel to Toronto.  There’s no mention in the media but I’m guessing that they were told there would be no tolerance for silliness on the train.

Here’s the second story.

My thoughts on all this?  Well, I’m quite sure you already know where I stand.  Transgender people fly all the time  without incident, regardless of any comments ,malicious or innocent, from staff or passengers.  I really don’t think the flying world is out to get transgenders, especially not in Canada.

This whole incident was just a case of two delusional girls forgetting that the real world is a lot larger than the tiny world they exist in.   Oh sure, a good part of the TG community will rally behind them and against the mean old airlines, mostly because “there’s no excuse for discrimination” .. but this is less about TG discrimination and more about uncooperative passengers causing a disturbance.  Children on an airplane really don’t need to see tranny boobs.

Their behavior has done us all a great disservice and has pushed us back a step or two on the road to acceptance and integration.

Life is not a joke girls.  Public perception means a lot .. it’s often the difference between a smile and a punch .. or worse.

Angelina’s Revelation

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Angelina Jolie recently announced that she had a “preemptive” full double mastectomy due to a genetic condition that indicates she is at a very high risk to develop breast cancer.   Although I think everyone respects her decision to do what she feels is necessary, her public exposé and the typical internet shitstorm that followed all combine to make me ask questions.

Angelina has done a fabulous job exploiting her on-screen talents and that has put her in a much different situation financially than the vast majority of women in the world.    The gene test for breast cancer predisposition (the BRCA1 gene) alone costs over $3,000USD.   How many women, although suspicious due to a family history of breast cancer, can afford this?

And of those who can, how many are prepared to deal with a positive result?  As is the case with most things in life, ignorance is bliss .. but once we know something, we feel compelled to act.  I have no personal experience with this, of course, but I’m guessing that a positive (voluntary) test result would hit almost as hard as a positive cancer diagnosis.

I lost my mom to breast cancer.  Angelina’s story made me think about my mom, and what her seemingly normal life would have been like if she would have known what the future had in store for her, yet she was powerless financially to change it.  Knowing her, and how seriously she took motherhood, I can only assume the stress she would have felt while still healthy would have changed the joyful years she spent with us.

But back to Ms Jolie’s situation, she’s out there now as a model for women to “know that they have some strong options”.

Excuse me? Strong options?  While I don’t begrudge Angelina’s affluence at all .. she earned it .. I have to wonder what “strong options” most women have.  I also don’t want to downplay the trauma associated with having body parts removed, especially those that the world chooses to use to judge  attractiveness and femininity, but not everyone has a team of Beverly Hills plastic surgeons waiting in the wings to use state of the art surgery techniques and implants to soften the appearance of the affected area after a radical double mastectomy.

SeleenaK_8993sAlmost every woman forced to take such extreme intervention is devastated since the post-surgery appearance most have to live with is aesthetically “difficult”.  In virtually ever case, the nipples are lost .. Angelina’s were not.  Ms Jolie’s procedure was done in two steps .. for optimal cosmetic results.  A piece of cadaver tissue was used to support the implants .. again optimal for that “natural” appearance.   (Yes, you read that right.  Tissue from a dead body was used. )

Yes, she has sacrificed part of her body in the interest of survival  .. a huge and very difficult decision and we applaud her for that, but that decision was certainly made a little easier because of her access to top drawer cosmetic surgery.

I just think it’s unfair of her to go public with a very private issue under the guise that women should take control of their personal situation.  Yes, taking control of our destiny is important as it relates to our choices in life, love, family, careers, relationships and friends but horrific diseases are just something we can rarely control, unless our course we’re financially well situated.

Here’s what she said in the New York Times opinion pages: “I chose not to keep my story private because there are many women who do not know that they might be living under the shadow of cancer.  It is my hope that they, too, will be able to get gene tested, and if they have a high risk they, too, will know that they have strong options”

In my opinion, she’s not feeling very comfortable with her decision and is seeking validation, or help, from the public to pat her on the head, call her brave and wonderful, tell her they love her dearly, tell her that she did the right thing and massage her ego at a time when she’s feeling down.  All things that the average woman, post-mastectomy, will have, at best, on a miniscule scale, from one or two family members or close friends.

The final insult to breast cancer survivors will come when she starts to appear in public once again looking “boob-a-licious”.   And I’m guessing that will happen.  Of course she’s entitled to do that! But if her disclosure had never happened, she wouldn’t be rubbing anything in anyone’s face, figuratively speaking.

In my opinion, the world changed slightly when she made her announcement on Tuesday May 14th 2013.  From that day forward, many women, upon getting a breast cancer diagnosis, will feel even worse because they either ignored, or weren’t able to follow, Angelina’s “advice”.  I know her words would not have been received as motivation by my mom.

Why do celebrities feel the need to do stuff like this?  I don’t think we should be getting our political “advice” from Bruce Springsteen, Bob Dylan, Ted Nugent or Clint Eastwood, and our healthcare information and survival motivation shouldn’t be coming from Angelina Jolie.

But on a more positive note, her timing could have been worse.  For those like me who lost a mom or sister to that dreadful disease, Mother’s Day was a time to reflect on the good times.

Heroes and Villians

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So terrorists do bad things.  It’s life now and will be for the foreseeable future.  That doesn’t scare me.

But what does scare me is the reaction to terrorism that was so rampant in Boston after the marathon bombing.

We all heard a lot of “Boston Strong!” and talk about law enforcement “heroes”.  I wasn’t there but, looking from outside the border, it’s all a little concerning.  Boston did not appear “strong” .. a couple kids had them cowering in their homes.  And I just don’t see any heroics in anything law enforcement did.

First of all, federal, state and local agencies were unable to protect their own citizens, let alone international visitors to a world-renowned event, from some pretty unsophisticated terrorists.  Then, when both savages were within reach, the youngest was able to get away.  And after locking down the whole city and searching with all the tools at their disposal, it took a curious citizen to find the kid.

I’m not pretending to think that law enforcement is easy .. I know it’s not.  But hearing “we’ve learned a lot and we’ll do better next time” would have been much more comforting than to see everyone, from the governor on down,  taking a bow for the fabulous work they did.  Citizens should have respectfully demanded an improvement.

Maybe the words that affected me so much were just an emotional outpouring out of fear or an attempt to heal .. but like alcoholism, the first step towards recovery is admitting you have a problem, and it requires real courage to do that.

There’s nothing “weak” in admitting you’re down when you are.

Someone like me can only survive in the world today if I’m grounded in reality .. it keeps me safe.  When you’re down, say you’re down and we’re all there to help you up.  I’m the type of girl who goes out of her way, within my financial means, to support communities in times of need. But delusional talk is not comforting nor does it inspire support.

But America doesn’t need support .. emotional, financial or otherwise ..  from the rest of the world, do they?

StockingStore Short Strap GarterBelt

shortstrapgarterbelt2012-02-26-02.08Those of us who prefer to wear our nylons “butt high” can rejoice.  Stocking Store has just the garter belt for us!

At the recommendation of my friend Eric, I ordered a black and a white 8-strap garter belt from Stocking Store.  Satin, adjustable waist, adjustable garter straps, metal clasps .. perfect .. and when they arrived I was pleased to find that the garter straps are very short.  Yes, there is some adjustment in the strap length but the shorter the strap, the less adjustment possible.

I do have some skirts that are still too short for stockings but these garter belts hold my size long or size opera stockings firmly in place.  No more removing, shortening and re-sewing the garter straps on brand new garter belts!

I’ve worn and washed (hand wash, of course) mine many, many times and they still look new.  Made in the USA and at $39.95, a good value, in my opinion.

The strap configuration is not exactly symmetrical. The front, front side and rear side straps are an equal distance apart but the very back strap is quite close to the rear side strap.  If I could say anything even slightly negative about this garter belt, it would be that the rear strap is a little too forward.  It’s not easy to get the garter tab into the keyhole of a pair of fully fashioned nylons but this is mostly an aesthetic thing,  and something only a stocking connoisseur would notice.  But they do manage to keep everything nice and straight and are not prone to the dreaded seam-twist-to-the-outside.

Product number is #VB204S

You can find them here:  http://www.stockingstore.com/Short-8-Strap-Garter-Belt-p/vb204s.htm

The Magic of High Heels

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Yes, it’s no secret to women of grace and style. We can’t adorn our bodies with anything that has greater significance.   They’re a sign of affluence, fashion sense, power and sexuality.

High heels have been the defining wardrobe accessory for centuries.  There’s evidence on ancient Egyptian murals that heels have been with us since 3500 BC.  And they’re not leaving us any time soon.

“Nothing has been invented yet that will do a better job than high heels at making a good pair of legs look great, or great ones look fabulous.”
– shoe designer Stuart Weitzman –

But what’s considered high?  That has changed over the centuries.  Today, according to women’s shoe manufacturers like Gucci and Jimmy Choo,  today’s high heels are anything over 3.5 inches (8.9cm).  Most regular high heel wearers would agree with that definition, while those who rarely wear heels might consider a two or three inch heel to be high.

There has been a lot written in the last 20 years about the health concerns related to long term high heel wear but I think I understand the real story behind the alarm.  Allow me to give my opinion, which may differ from the others out there, and will definitely differ from the medical professional-turned media personality.

Let’s look back to the 1940’s and 1950’s.  High heel wear was quite common  among almost every demographic and occupation.  Stay-at-home mom’s wore heels to church, shopping as well as any event that required even a slightly dressy look.  Flight attendants, office workers, school teachers, almost every women in the public eye wore heels.  Yet there is no clear indication today that mature high heel wearers  from that era suffer more foot anomalies than women born before or after them, or even non high heel wears from the same era.  The warnings we hear from Podiatrists always make reference to today’s styles, today’s quality, today’s construction .. and in my opinion, that’s where the problem lies.  Not with high heels, per se.

“Yeah, but I do it backwards and in heels!” – Ginger Rogers –

 

Does it fit?

For those old enough to remember, feet were carefully measured in shoe stores to 220px-Brannock_uspat1725334-fig1determine accurate length and width, and only then was the correct size determined. Shoe store staff used something called a Brannock device for this purpose. And even if you shopped at the same store regularly, they would always (re)determine your size before allowing you to try on new shoes.  Foot dimensions do change, usually related to health issues, the aging process etc.

It was not unusual for a shoe store to have to order less common shoe widths for customers who needed a narrow or wider shoe.  But when you eventually left the store with a new pair of heels, you knew they fit you well.

Quality

Back in the high heel heyday, it was almost impossible to purchase heels that weren’t made of leather.  Leather was then, and is now, the best material for footwear of any kind.  But in those days, the quality of shoe leather was substantially better than anything available today at a modest price point.   It took a little while to “break in” a new pair of heels but as we wore them, the shoe contoured itself to our feet to some degree.  Today’s polyurethane heels only lose strength and rigidity with wear.

My Thoughts

So, in summary, I’m not so quick to believe that simply elevating the heel causes damage to our feet.  Other factors, as I mentioned above, certainly have a role.  I only wish the nay-Sayers would provide a little more detail to their analysis instead of simply painting all types and quality of heel with the same brush.

Consider not worrying so much about the height of your heels  but instead buy the best quality shoe you can afford.  Let me repeat that in different terms. When looking at a new pair of heels, let their construction beyour biggest health concern .. not the height of the heels.  Yes, the man-made $30 stilettos can be tempting,  If you just can’t resist them, wear them in moderation, but do own a couple pairs of versatile quality heels.

“It is all very well for so-called sensible people to recommend flat heels and short skirts, but most of us prefer not to be sensible.” – Anna Held, Polish-born stage performer

And to the other t-girls like me out there, we’re in a bit of a dilemma these days.  High heels do wonders for the shape of our legs and make our feet appear noticeably smaller simply because they use less “real state” .. toe to heel length shrinks as the heel height increases.  They also adjust our posture in a very positive way. But many of us don’t wear them because the “average woman” does not.

I’ll leave a discussion of current women’s style (or lack thereof) for another discussion but since people in general, and women in particular, are getting taller in stature as the years go by, adding a few inches to our height doesn’t always make us the tallest girl in the room.  The smaller steps we take when wearing heels is quite flattering and if we learn how to walk properly in heels, the fact that we’re wearing them isn’t all that obvious.  But enter a room teetering, stiff-legged and everyone knows you’re not what you appear to be.

“You put high heels on and you change.” – Manolo Blahnik –

There’s no other accessory that can do so much for our overall look.  A pair of stilettos instantly dresses up a pair of jeans,  is the finishing touch on your most glamorous outfit, adds a professional, successful air to your business suits and helps you to appear as confident as you are.   And the “click click click” when you enter a room tells everyone that you mean business.

Be safe, be sane and enjoy your heels!

(the preceding comments are my opinions only and are not intended to replace sound medical advice.  I’m not a doctor, and I don’t play one on TV, although I have been known to wear a nurse’s uniform in the bedroom)

Update: 03/25/13

I just found a wonderful podiatrist who understands the need to wear heels and has suggestions to minimize the long term risks.  Dr Emily Splichal’s Catwalk Confidence and Stiletto Recovery Program is worth looking into if you’re as high heel obsessed as I am.  You can find her at Midtown Podiatry in New York City or on her Catwalk Confidence website.  Lots of good information there!

Here’s a short video clip from an appearance on Oprah where she discusses and illustrates how to walk in heels.

additional information:

Staying “Real” in the Social Media Age

stockingfoot_640x480_6450I’ve been thinking about opening up a special type of membership to those who might be interested in supporting my website.  It might be something like $5 per month or less and, although paying members would see the same content as those who enjoy the site for free, I would be also be available for one-to-one text chat too.

As Yogi Berra once said, and I paraphrase, “You can observe a lot by just watching” (teehee!) and I’ve done this … for many, many years.  And have seen the evolution of the online world.

SeleenaK_X6449Since the social media and “sharing” sites have gained prominence, the internet has become a place where we’re desensitized to imagery.  Follow me on any of the social networking sites and you’ll see that my work often appears along side images of the most gorgeous models at their peak, and photographed by the most talented photographers ever.  Both my appearance and my photographic abilities shouldn’t put me on the same planet as them, let alone in the same timeline.  I know this.

So is there anything I can still offer?   Blogging is an option but I don’t really write that well.  Most blogs include photos “borrowed” from the web and I just won’t do that.

What I just might have going for me is that I’m real, I’m here and I’m now.  Marylin Monroe, Betty Page and Jane Russell are not. Irving Claw, Richard Avedon and Francesco Scavullo are gone too, and that hot, hung she-male’s photo you’re lusting after is likely many years old, and she probably stopped doing work like that long ago due to the exploitation in the genre.  And if you could find her, she probably doesn’t speak the same language as you anyway. teehee!

Mass online image sharing has greatly lessened my ability to grab a tiny sliver of the pie.  But I’m here, in the flesh, and I have the energy to interact with you.  And I can and will chat with you on just about any topic.  And your contribution would help take my site forward and would allow me even more ways of interacting with you.

Please comment here or message me directly with your thoughts on this. bimbo at seleenak dot com

Holiday Prep

Well that was a crazy couple of weeks but I now have time to catch my breath and relax over the holidays.

Our houseguests are safely back in the desert and all my Christmas prep is done. Presents bought and wrapped, Casa Seleena is festively decorated, the fridge is full and the bar is well stocked. Bring on the holidays!

What’s gone on since my last update? Well, my website finally surpassed the 100,000 views plateau one week ago (Monday December 13th). It took a while to get here but you know my feelings; quality before quantity always!

Sara and Mark’s visit was wonderful! I may have a little video for you some time soon but sadly we were just too busy to do any still photos. I hate to admit it but my mind was not really on my site while they were here. I hope you understand.

My imposter is still “impostering” (hehe!) on Yahoo. I filed a complaint in hopes that Yahoo would see the obvious but it appears they need a sworn statement from me with details to support my claim. I’ll do this but I need to understand the action they will take. Simply shutting down a profile is not enough. I need them to block the ip address and file a complaint to the person’s internet service provider. Or provide me with the IP so that I can take care of things. Recent changes to legislation make this identity theft.

I’ve received some legal advice (free!) and know what I can and can’t do.

On another, more positive note, the solstice is here, the lunar eclipse was cool and the holidays are just days away. Where does the time go?

I hope to have some festive photos for you on Friday but I’d like to take a moment now to wish you all the best of the holiday season. Please take the time to tell someone close to you that they’re important to you, just like I’m about to do here.

Thank you all for being a part of my life. You really are important to me!

Merry Christmas. Eat too much! Drink too much! Hug too much!

A Visit From Our Friends

OMG! The gorgeous and extremely sexy Sensual Sara, formerly of sensualsara dot com, and her hubbie, the very dapper Mark, are coming to stay with Kim and me for a week. They arrive today.

They’re our best friends in the whole world and we know it will be a hot week here regardless how chilly it gets outside.

Don’t you wish she would get her website back online? I know I do.

If I’m really nice to Sara and Mark, it’s possible that they’ll help me with some photos or a video that I can share with you. And with any luck, my Kim will make an appearance too!

But with those two pairs of gorgeous legs in front of the camera, I’m wearing slacks!

What a way to close out the year!

Now .. on a less positive note, it appears there is an imposter on Yahoo pretending to be me. This person created a “Seleena K” profile on 06/16/10, claims to be female and has stolen and posted some photos from my website. They even went to the trouble of removing the copyright I add to all of my photos.

I’m certainly not female and my Yahoo profile has been around since 2005.

I’m pursuing this with Yahoo through their “Copyright and Intellectual Property Policy” and will take more serious action if the profile isn’t removed in the next couple days.

Please be aware that my Yahoo profile has been “hidden” between February 2010 and today, so any communication from Yahoo during that time did not come from me, except for those of you I IM with.

Some say that “imitation is the sincerest form of flattery” but flattery from an imposter and a thief is of little value. If you’ve run into this person on the web, please let me know.

Get a life, dude! and a big thanks to Navy Guy for bringing this to my attention.

Remembrance Day 2010

Today is known as Remembrance Day here in Canada. It’s a day to remember those who fought for our freedom.

On the 11th hour of the 11th day or the 11th month we observe a moment of silence.

I have two videos for you this year. Both came to me from my good friend, ET.

The first one is an all-Canadian musical tribute to our soldiers past and present. Like me, you might not be a country music fan but I think you’ll still like this one. Available in high definition and with a wonderful audio track, it’s a lot more upbeat than the video I shared with you last year.

The second video is a beautiful Vimy Ridge tribute from a group of Canadian high school students. Vimy ridge was the site of a battle during WW1 where many Canadians lost their lives.

And please .. take a moment of silence at 11:00 this morning to remember those who made the ultimate sacrifice, who fought to protect us or who continue to put themselves in harm’s way to preserve our freedom and the freedom of others.

My Website’s 3rd Anniversary

Yikes!  I just realized that I missed mentioning that SeleenaK dot com turned 3 years old just over a month ago.

I suppose it’s a meaningless milestone but to me it’s an accomplishment.  I really didn’t expect to still be here but your encouragement has kept me going.

I’ve considered making changes .. big changes .. several times but keep coming back to what seems to work for me and for you right now.

My wardrobe budget is still tight, and my search for a photographer to help me has brought some possibilities but nothing firm yet.  But ya know what?  I’ll continue doing what I’m doing as long as you keep coming back.

Doing this is important to me.  And I do it for you, and for me.

You Had To Be There

So a guy walks into a bar with his pet alligator. Oops! Wrong story.

I was out with friends recently. Some I had never met in person and a few that I hadn’t seen in a long time. And someone asked “So .. what’s new?”

Without hesitation, the cute one, who resembles Drew Barrymore, sitting right in the middle of us all spoke right up “Well, I have a pussy now!”

That was very, very funny Melan.  Congrats again on your surgery and thanks for sharing that with us *giggling*.

Any “news” the rest of us had to share seemed inconsequential after that. 🙂

Staying Close to Home

It seems that I’ve become a bit of a stay-at-home girl lately.  Not sure why but I’m guessing that either a psychiatrist or an astrologer could tell me.

No, I haven’t had a traumatic experience out there in the big, bad world of tranny haters.  I think my interests have just changed and “making the scene” is not so important to me right now.

I still have one girlfriend I visit occasionally and “JJ” still comes to visit me sometimes but other than that, hanging out here with Kim is where I’m most content.

SeleenaK_4790crI do find it interesting that people come into my life, stay a while and move on.  We remain emotionally close even if we don’t see each other often.  I think I satisfy some short term emotional need for some.  We talk .. I help.

Advice based on reality and compassion for those around us (who don’t really understand) appears to be my specialty.  I’ve never lost sight of the fact that “we” are the different one’s and that who we are, and what we do, is very much against most people’s comfort zones.  If we move through live with that in mind, we stay safe, are less hurtful to others and avoid a lot of personal pain and confrontation.

Sometimes others take my advice, sometimes they don’t but having heard my unique perspective maybe helps them in their decision-making.  And sometimes it’s just about having a non-judgmental listener.

I  can’t be greedy and expect anything to be forever but I just hope they are better off for having known me.  “Fly little birdie!  Fly!”

And then there’s you.  I know some of you are just passing through but some of you do come back .. and often.  My site stats show this.  No, I can’t see any of your personal information but I can see repeat visitor counts.

I do my best, both in my photos and in my writings, to help you to actually know me .. I think that’s important.  And ya know what? I think I know you too.

Not your name, what you look like or where you live.  No no no.  It’s something even more personal than those things.  It’s that thing deep down in your soul that draws you here.  I understand it.  I really do.  And it’s special.

Yep, there certainly are prettier, sexier girls in the cyber world (I’m not even going to mention “cock pics” .. hehe!) yet you come back.  Whether it’s for the overall style, the leggy looks, to get some advice or tips, or maybe even  for wanking material, you come back.

That makes me feel really good.  Thank you!

Feet

Either you love them or you hate them.  Well, I guess you could be indifferent to them too.  But there is a huge number of you, both men and women, who find feet terribly erotic.

SeleenaK_0343sPersonally, I do find them erotic, especially when clad in ultra-sheer nylon. To me, they are another very erogenous part of the body not to be ignored.  But over the years I’ve become quite adaptive in my preferences.

If feet are your thing, I’m in!  And maybe obsessively, because it’s all about pleasing your partner, isn’t it?

Have you ever been somewhere, out in public maybe, and noticed some freshly-pedicured toes and thought to yourself ‘how hot it would be to take them in your mouth, one at a time, and gently lick and suck each one?  I know I have.  And from some of the comments and requests I get here, I know many of you feel the same way.

This erotically flexible (or maybe confused) bimbo also loves to come at this from the other side.  Feeling your warm fingers and hot wet tongue massaging my feet and sucking my toes makes me wetter that a Navy Seal.

But the problem for me is that I’m a visual girl and I get quite frustrated with the appearance of my own feet and toes.  No matter how well the pedicure went or how much lotion I massage in, I still think they look like “tranny feet”.   I’ve included a couple recent photos here as “evidence” .. hehe!

“Sure I like to suck toes, but prefer to have my toes sucked.” ~ Madonna

Yes, there is genital surgery, facial surgery, breast augmentation, vocal chord surgery .. even a procedure to remove that lowest rib but to my knowledge there is no “fix” for tranny feet.

Now, I’m not a cosmetic surgery type of girl  and would likely be too afraid to risk any procedure that messes with those very important two things down there that allow me to wear heels with SeleenaK_0347svigor but it would be nice to  know that something exists for me to decline.  :-0

But to the rescue is YOU, faithful website visitor.  You seem to like my feet just the way they are!  And your comments are so sweet.

My favorite comment of all was one from a sweetie who was watching  one of my videos and emailed me to say “when you spread your nylon-clad toes, I gasped!” .

Why my emphasis on feet these days?  Karyn Lord, a gorgeous, sweet and very sexy genetic woman on my favorite nylon fetish website, openly shares her passion for feet in words and photos and frankly I’ve been caught up in her whirlwind.

So, let me know if you’d like to see more of this type of thing here on my site.  Leg shots are still the most popular request, follow by bondage photos and videos, but if the demand is higher, I’ll do my best to accommodate.

Some final notes:   I’ve been a bit reclusive lately.  It seems to be a summer time thing for me. When the weather is warm, the patio here at home is where I’m happiest.  I hope to be a little more “out there” in the coming months but we’ll see how it goes.

I hope to have some photos to share with you of my exploits.

MyBackseam.com

Nylon.  Of all the fabrics commonly used today, there might be none that invokes a deeper erotic feeling for so many of us. I know, along with latex, it does for me. And I assume it does for many of you too.

“I don’t go to church.  Kneeling bags my nylons” ~ Billy Wilder (Austrian-born American motion picture director and producer)

In all the time I’ve had this website, I’ve never ever got a comment from a visitor saying how much he or she would like to take my stockings off. And there hasn’t been a single request for bare legs photos. So I know you feel the way I do.

On this note I have something really exciting to share with you. Through a Twitter connection I found the most wonderful website. A haven for those of us who love nylon .. and legs, heels and lingerie for that matter.

SeleenaK_8683sxMyBackseam.com is a very new world with a very friendly user interface and a wonderfully classy look. But the really exciting thing about it is the people. Yes, I’ve joined many sites in my day but have never found a group like this one. And as time goes by and as content grows, this site will be
something you want to be a part of. And it’s not all about stockings. Pantyhose, garter belts, heels, girdles, toes are all there. There’s even a wonderful section where members post their own candid “nylon sightings” captured out in public.

Oh sure, there’s a lot of reposting photos from the internet but there’s also a lot of original content there too. And that realism makes it very exciting for me.

No, it’s not a t-girl site .. most of the people there are men and women .. but they’ve accepted me, and those like me, with open arms. The people are real, the dialog is very sexy yet intelligent, the photos are steamy yet classy and the blogs and stories are extremely hot yet professional.

Lisa and Nick are the site owners. Nick has an unsurpassed eye for finding nylon hotness in the world and Lisa is sweet, intelligent and oh so sexy.

And the best thing of all … the site is totally free, There’s no “this is the free part but if you pay you get this too” stuff. All totally free!

“No.  Better research needed.  Fire your research person.  No fishnet stockings.  Never.  Not in this band.”  ~ Gene Simmons

No … I have no commercial interest in promoting MyBackseam.com .. and you understand me well enough to know that it takes some pretty intense feelings for me to promote anything or anyone here but this is something I really feel strongly about.

So please, if nylon, legs, feet or heels are your thing, give MyBackseam a try. And please don’t just surf as a guest. Sign up. It only takes a minute.

And add me as a friend if you do. It’s become the place where I’m the most interactive and I’d love to chat and share thoughts and feelings with you there. As I begin to sunset my profiles on MySpace and Yahoo, this is likely where you’ll find me going forward and I look forward to seeing you there!

My 20-Something Transgender Friend

I met a new friend online recently. A very young TS who lives not too far away from me. I won’t tell you her name because that’s not important but she’s one of a very short list of very young trans girls that have left a very big impression on me. She’s as delightful and well spoken as the comedic Jessica Who and has an attitude that’s so different than most of the girls closer to my age.

The baggage and bitterness is not present; no chip on her sweet shoulders. She just lives her life 24/7 as she knows she should.

I’m not expert on the pre-op or post-op thing although I do know several girls who have had the surgery and even more that are anxiously awaiting “the knife”.  For those waiting. the surgery is imperative; it’s non-negotiable and the feeling is that life can never be “normal” until it’s done.

And a surprisingly high percentage of them will take their own lives after the procedure is complete.

But here is a young person who truly believes that surgery wouldn’t make her any more of a woman than she is today.  And ya know what?  I agree and believe she feels that way in her heart.  She looks like any other 20-something genetic girl out there, is very attractive (a hottie, actually .. whew), projects nothing but femininity and has the same spark in her eyes as her genetic girl friends.

My new friend doesn’t hate her penis nor does she think it defines her gender.  And it doesn’t.  The brain is in charge of that.

From my experience, the transguys out there seem more capable of doing this.  The surgery to make them fully functional as males is expensive, and the success rate is not high.  So most move on, strap-on in hand, and give their brain permission to define their gender.  Most are very successful and have friends, families and careers regardless of what’s in their boxer shorts.  And are dudes in every sense of the word.

My friend doesn’t hang around with others like her .. looking for “support”, whining about how nature dealt her a bad hand, and competing in hormone dosage comparisons and cup size competitions.  She (with her parents help and consent) simply did what she needed to do to feel comfortable within her own skin.

She understands womanhood totally and honestly presents like any other girl her age. No scrambling to look like she fits in. She does! Some of it might be the luck of the draw but a lot of it is definitely attitude.

Is she lucky? Maybe. Is her timing good?   Yes .. the world is so much more receptive today than it was not that many years ago.  Is she courageous?  Possibly.  But she could never be a positive example to the older girls who struggle so much. They wouldn’t allow it.

I had always found the concept of hormone therapy and gender reassignment at a very young age to be worrisome at best.  But I now understand that it’s the right time to begin living as the gender you know you were meant to be and medically supervised hormone therapy is a big help.

Funny how a relative newcomer to the t-world can help an older girl like me put things in perspective.

I hope I haven’t offended anyone with my thoughts on this and apologize if I have. But since this is a free website, you can’t ask for your money back. 🙂

Friendship

Today I’m going to talk about friendship.  Something I’m feeling a little short on these days.

I’ve always been a very private person; someone who would rather have a few very close friends than a hundred casual friends.  It’s always been that way for me.  But I never realized how important friendship was to my own peace of mind until recently.

Having a close friend can be hard work but pays huge dividends, both to the heart and to the head.  And although privacy is something that might very well reduce complication and drama, it isolates.

I’ve worked so hard to maintain my privacy, both for myself and to protect those close to me, (especially as it relates to my gender bending activities) and I’ve been quite successful, only letting a very few get close.  But when you put all your “friendship eggs” in the one basket, things can change .. and they have.

First, I lost someone close to me to an evil disease.  Then a friendship or two faded when my work situation changed. Also, another was lost when my feelings of friendship were met with something I perceived as infatuation.  And lastly, a little closeness was lost with another due to … well … I’m not really sure.

Due to my perceived need for privacy, I’ve been distant when many have reached out to me; partly because I was worried they would invade my space at an inopportune time, partly to avoid potential drama, and partly because I felt that having sex with me was their only motive.

So my suggestion to all my “sisters in heels” out there, please try to keep some balance between your privacy and your social life, and please consider that when life gets a little bumpy, a “guy in a skirt” might be there to hold your hand.