T-Girl Chat Rooms – What’s Up?

I’ve long been a fan of t-girl chat.  I met several people who have become real-life friends in trans-themed chat rooms.   And they seem to be a good way to spend some quiet time, while keeping the “irons in the fire”, if you know what I mean, associated with somewhat like-minded people and those who appreciate girls with a difference. But that was then and this is now, and the world of trans chat has really changed.  And it’s sad.

The Gender Exchange chat room on Alt.com is totally deadsville. I once considered this the pinnacle of chat but it’s barely limping along now.

The chat room at Urnotalone seems to have become just a shadow of it’s former self too.  There was a time in the recent past when one out of every three people in the chatroom was a room moderator, and most of them needed moderating themselves.   Now it appears, to me at least, that most of the “regulars” and persistent moderators are gone.  But to where?  These are people who, like me, seemed to “need” chatroom stimulation on a regular basis.

The chatroom that still seems to be surviving  is TGTalk (or TGGuide, depending on the portal you use to get there) but it’s changing too.  I’ve been using that one on and off for several since 2011 but only recently got any notice and seemed to be accepted into the clique.

It’s a heavily moderated chat room (and they just keep adding new moderators), which could be good, but sadly, the moderators are becoming less and less about actually helping to enhance the experience of the chatroom visitors and are more about the hard-ons they get from being authority figures.  The rules are often silly and pretty extreme though well-intended, but for mods looking to flex their muscles, perfect.

I’ve recently gone to several of them privately for help coming to terms with negligent behavior of some of the other mods there, and I did it intentionally in a slight immature, childlike manner, yet they did nothing to put my mind at ease. The impact of breaking a rule seems to more that a mod was angered than it is about making another chatter feel bad.  And the trans hierarchy that I’ve bitched about in so many other blog posts seems very much in effect when the mods determine who to reprimand and how strongly.  “Trannier than thou”?  Sad.

I even tried a pantyhose chatroom, Pantyhose Share Club, but found it difficult to stay since they seem okay posting photos sexualizing 10 year old girls wearing pantyhose as long as the photos didn’t violate child porn laws.

So, I need your help.  Can you recommend a chatroom that isn’t slipping away and isn’t ‘run’ by  a bunch of authoritarian ego trippers?   Either posting a comment in this thread or contacting  me in private with your suggestions  will work.

But for now, I’m off to give the trans chat rooms at Birchplace, trannyladies, Susan’s Place and wireclub a try.   I’ll report back.


16 thoughts on “T-Girl Chat Rooms – What’s Up?”

  1. Hello Seleena,

    I’m sorry to hear you’re having a difficult time finding a chatroom that suits you. I also bounced around a number of rooms. Like you, I’ve been at TGguide for a long time. I suppose I, too, stayed because generally I found the people to be accepting and felt like one of the gang.

    Being one of the Moderators there for the past year or so, I also see the other side of it – the effort required to ensure the creepy and the overly-righteous are kept in check. I can tell you that for myself the ‘trannier-than-thou’ attitude is one I always address immediately – be it from a newbie or a long-time member.

    I’m uncertain what you think the Moderators should be doing to enhance the experience, so I’m not sure where I’m falling short, but I apologize for letting you down.

    As for your search, I can tell you that Birchplace is (or at least was) almost exclusively a British meetup site, so you’ll mostly get a lot of those type of requests and ‘regular’ chat will be sparse. Although, as I recall it is extremely lightly moderated. Unfortunately, I’ve no experience with the other three.

    Warmest regards,

  2. Thank you so much for taking the time to comment JoAnne.

    Although often elusive, comments here are always preferred to comments in email or via private messaging (*wnk wink* ladies).

    But it truly surprises me that you’re asking my opinion on how I think moderators can enhance the chat room experience.

    You’ll have to put up with me at TGGuide a little longer. I always struggle to detach myself from chat sites because of the feeling that I’ve made a few friends there and don’t want to part with them.

    And yes, Birchplace has a big UK dating focus but is no more difficult than TGGuide for someone like me. Just different negatives, in my opinion.

  3. Hello Seleena! One chat system you might have missed is Chat City. I was a regular there before migrating to URNA, and then to TG Guide. I found Chat City to be cliquish, to say the least. It is heavily “transition” oriented and those who are not intending to transition are too often treated like a subclass of chatter. I havent visited CC for quite a while but it was a larger room which moved quickly.

    In the CC system, regulars can pretty much get away with murder the longer they have been there.

    I hope this helps in your search for a suitable chatroom.



    1. Lisa, which Chat City do you have experience with? I’m seeing several of them … Transgender Chat City, Tranny Chat City, Crossdresser Chat City, Trans Chat City, SheMale Chat City etc.

      Yikes! Or are they all portals to the same chat rooms?

  4. Hello Seleena –

    I wasn’t going to respond to this for two reasons:
    1. You approached me on 13 April about your concerns, but,
    2. You apparently had no intentions of allowing me to look into the alleged issues, as you created your blog entry the very next day

    It’s not my intention to start any kind of argument, but I believe you have trashed TG Guide Chat unjustly. What sorta also ticks me off is that I admitted to you that on occasion we have been a bit hard on some, and that perhaps we needed to review our moderating styles. But obviously, that didn’t mean a thing to you, as your blog entry is dated 14 APRIL.

    A. We do not collect moderators just for the hell of it. We do, however, attempt to get moderators from different parts of the world so that we can hopefully cover all time frames – we have some time frames where there is no moderator coverage. TG Guide Chat is international.

    B. We do not schedule moderators to be on during certain times, or in scheduled shifts – we are all VOLUNTEERS. We all have lives outside the chatroom. So, yes, there are times when four, five, even six moderators may be on at one time. Quite often there are snide remarks made about so many mods being present. But the way I look at it, if you don’t have a problem with the rules, and you abide by the rules, shouldn’t matter how many of us are signed in. And for the most part, we leave people alone as long as they follow the rules. And when things are going smoothly, we are either chatting among ourselves in the mod room, or we are out in the rooms chatting with everyone else.

    C. We do NOT “allow” those who harbour superior attitudes to run amok in TG Guide Chat. We shut them down when we discover how they are treating, or talking about, other members. I will not name names, but we currently have at least five people who are banned from TG Guide chat BECAUSE they think they are better than everyone else. So if you are a transitioned, post-op man or woman and think you are better than the next person, then yeah, we’re going to come down on you.

    D. Rules. One’s dislike or disrespect for the rules is pretty much the same as one’s issue with the number of mods that might be signed in at any one time – it seems to be only those who have no regard for the rules who have an issue. Then they complain, and cry foul.

    E. You came to some of us with your concerns – well, in light of the existence of this blog entry, you didn’t give us time to react. See 1 & 2 above, and the paragraph that follows them.

    I’m sorry you felt it necessary to play games — you, yourself said you came to some of us “in a slight immature, childlike manner.” You also said none of us said anything to put your mind at ease – it’s a shame I cannot upload a screenshot of our private message for all your readers to see where I told you I would look into our short-comings. But you can count on this – I will now show the rest of the moderators, so that they will know how you played us, then turned around and trashed TG Guide Chat.

    I’m also sorry that I had to throw diplomacy to the wind. But I sorta feel like I was pushed into a corner.

    I hope you will enjoy whatever chat room(s) you find from here.

    1. Hi Michael,

      I’m sorry for pushing you into a corner. I just came away from every discussion about those concerns, including the one with you, believing that my feelings didn’t much matter, neither here nor there. You were my last resort, kind sir, and, per our convo, I was not expecting followup from you after the 13th.

      Though I think I can speak to every one of your points, I’m guessing it’s not a discussion we’d want to have.

      Having said this, I’d be happy to issue a retraction, let your comments stand uncontested or remove the entire segment of the blog post, including all comments, if that works for you. Please let me know, and trust that I’ll respect your wishes.

  5. Hi Seleena –

    No, no need to remove your blog entry – especially after others took the time to comment. Instead, perhaps it would be better to leave it, so that your readers and other passers-by may realize that we take such issues seriously – founded or not, and that we are not trying to hide anything. I think what really got under my skin is that I was blind-sided by your blog entry. I think a few other moderators felt the same way.

    We know we are not perfect. I know that there is always room for improvement. All of us know that. Some of us briefly discussed this tonite. And I will continue with the draft I was working on so that all of us moderators will be on the same page, and know what areas we need to work on.

    You see, even before you and I spoke, there are times when we check each other. We ask ourselves in some cases, could we have handled a situation differently or better. Quite often, we are our own worst critics. Often, what many chatters see in a room, is the hind end of a situation – you and other chatters rarely see an entire situation. And so, you base your concerns on what often amounts to only one side of a story. It’s like being in a room with someone on the phone – you don’t hear the conversation on the other end. And the person on the other end, knowing this, is liable to tell you anything.

    That said, I noticed that you are still coming to TG Guide Chat. I hope that you can see things in a different light. I also hope that the next time you have a concern, you will come to one of us and present that concern without playing a character, and then allow us the opportunity to look into a situation, evaluate it, and make changes or improvements as/if needed.

    See you in chat

    1. Wait just a minute Michael. You can’t talk down to me like that. Not on my own website.

      I tried to be open-minded, pleasant and accommodating but your “That said..” paragraph crossed the line.

      I’ll apologize for one thing. My “slight immature, childlike manner” approach was in an attempt to get help. (Sadly, I’ve learned that this demeanor works best with many of your mods). But when writing about it here, I think I overstated the whole character shift. I do apologize for this and don’t believe your mods even noticed.

      I also find it ironic that you’re calling me on this repeatedly when your turbo chatter/monster-under-the-bridge moderator guy presents as a much more bi-polar, game player than I ever was, and who’s very dual-persona existence could be considered underhanded.

      I’ve been nothing but an asset to your chat room and have NEVER broken a single rule there .. ever. Ask around.

      But what you’re doing is akin to victim blaming. People in your chatroom treat me and others like shit, and your mods often do nothing to help, except maintain a “trannier than thou” hierarchy. End of story.

      You mention feeling blindsided. Hmmm … Did my feelings blindside or was it that I wrote about my feelings? I discussed my concerns with no less than 4 ROOM MODERATORS INCLUDING YOURSELF after leaving a totally unacknowledged comment in the CONTACT dialog here -> on the web site main page. You have to have a blind side to be blindsided.

      If you have anything else to say to me, it had better contain an apology.

  6. I really appreciate what you are trying to do, the chat rooms for us girls keep changing. It’s great to get diverse opinions on which ones are good to utilize. I use Crossdresser Chat City, but it is linked with all of those other Chat City sites, so it can be confusing as to whether your chatting with someone who identifies with the girls you want to chat with. I’m always looking for better chat rooms, so keep up the good work Seleena! 🙂

  7. I see that it is several months since you first posted this Seleena and I don’t know if you would consider it a t-girl chat space but the people at CrossDresserHeaven are just so friendly to chat with. They do have a very puritan attitude there and an enthusiastic group of moderators who keep the conversation very chaste but still fun. If there are egos involved it isn’t obvious but this is all still quite new to me.
    It is not perfect and certainly not erotic but the people there offer friendship and support. Especially to shy wall flowers (like moi!) who otherwise would just hang out at the edge of the chat space.
    I know I followed one particularly articulate member back to her web page and now I’m delighted to be reading back through her blog postings!

    1. haha .. thanks for the compliment and for following me back here Roberta!

      The site you mention has some of the nicest people I’ve encountered online. The over-use of the crossdresser label still gives me the creeps but I went there hoping to find, according to the sign on the door, a group who who were content in it being about dressing. But the transition drama there is even more extreme than in other chatrooms. And while the bad advice flows freely and sends many down a hurtful and often destructive path, the moderators remain focused on less hurtful discussion.

      But I totally agree with you … those chatting as sooooo friendly and I love many of them. See you there!

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