All posts by Seleena

Seleena Kay is a mature transgender blogger and web model who lives in Canada. Her views on life and the transgender community are often controversial.

Doctor-Patient Confidentiality in the TG world

I have a couple questions.

I’m slightly familiar with the Canadian Medical Association’s stand on doctor-patient confidentiality and assume the rules are similar in most of the western world.  I’m also aware of  physician-patient privilege – the legal concept that prevents doctor-patient discussion from being used in a court of law, except under certain, very specific circumstances.

I do trust that doctor’s take this need for confidentiality very seriously but, to my knowledge, access to patient records is not restricted only to doctors.  Office staff, nurses, medical transcription people all might have access to those records.

SeleenaK_4763sReading about a “Get Tested” initiative here in Canada got me thinking.  The program is designed to make it easier for anyone to be tested for STD’s.  Is embarrassment or confidentiality concerns part or all of the reason we need discreet testing?

And are confidentiality concerns justified?

Does an HIV test imply a high-risk lifestyle? Does getting tested for chlamydia or gonorrhea imply careless promiscuity? Many of us in the lifestyle aren’t too quick to judge but what about the town gossip?

Ethics violations are serious charges for doctors but what about the doctor’s staff?  I would assume that dismissal would be the extent of the penalty for outing a patient to friends or acquaintances with “loose lips”.  Maybe not a big deal for those who change jobs and employers frequently but for the victim, it could be devastating.

The fact that a patient was tested for something, regardless of the results of the test, is likely as implicating as a positive test result.

So my questions are:

  • Is there something bigger preventing medical office personnel from telling the world about the documented discussions that go on between doctor and patient?
  • how common do you think it is for someone to be outed after visiting their doctor?

I personally have heard a medical office employee joke and laugh about a TG patient who comes in to the practice regularly for hormone therapy.  She volunteered so much detail that I thought she would have certainly provided a name if anyone asked for it.

Luckily no one asked.

 

more information is available at:

http://www.cpso.on.ca/policies-publications/policy/confidentiality-of-personal-health-information

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Physician%E2%80%93patient_privilege

Don Sterling – Banned for How Long?

Wait just a minute America!  You’re applauding what?

Yes, LA Clippers owner Don Sterling is an ass and he won’t be hanging out at Casa Seleena any time soon but really?  A recording of a private phone call between he and his girlfriend gets him banned from the NBA for life, causes him to lose his franchise AND gets him a $2+ million fine?

He made no hateful public statements.  He doesn’t appeared to have treated anyone poorly. In fact, he was scheduled to receive an award from the NAACP.  Bringing the wrath of the politically-correct down on him because of a private conversation is like punishing him for the way he thinks, in my opinion.

Yes, racism is despicable but the day we start punishing people for the way they think is the day we are officially living in an authoritarian Orwellian world.  And all other freedoms mean nothing.

And yet when Jay-Z wears a symbol publicly that symbolizes an ideology that claims “White people are the devil”,  he only “raises eyebrows”?  Really?  That’s all?

So racism doesn’t work in both directions.

I listened to the entire TMZ phone recording and honestly didn’t see the cause for all the alarm.  Yes, he’s an asshole but to many people out there, you and I are assholes too.  His issue with “black people” seemed more related to a concern about having to deal with the perceptions of his peers regarding the behavior of an NBA owner’s girlfriend. 

He, himself, is in a bi-racial relationship.  How many bigots can claim that?

If you see a bandwagon, it’s too late.” ~ James Goldsmith

How much money did his girlfriend receive from TMZ for distributing his thoughts which were certainly recorded without his permission?  Honestly, this was a very private discussion within the couple .. emotions were running high and both were speaking “off the cuff”.

Sometimes we have to put aside the smaller stuff in favour of the big stuff.  This was small stuff.  But freedom of thought is huge.

Your comments?

“Fresh Look” Invisible Stick-On Bra

Cleavage in photo not from the bra being reviewed
Cleavage in photo not from the bra being reviewed

Being a tgirl has it’s advantages (haha!) when it comes to style and the creating the appearance we strive for. We have no life long attachment to our girlish physique and therefore can be very flexible without it feeling weird (lots of irony in that statement!).

I’m a girl who’s always felt we have the somewhat unique opportunity to make the boobs match the outfit .. not vise versa.  Wearing a top or dress that could use a little more “fullness”?  No problem!  Use larger breastforms!  Front buttons about to pop?  Smaller boobies!

Unlike many women, I don’t identify with a particular cup size.  Sometimes I’m a D, sometimes I’m a C and sometimes I’m just me (barely an A).   So it surprises me that I hadn’t paid much attention to those self-stick cup-only bras made famous by Nu Bra and their ads in the media.

But while at an event recently, a discussion about these little wonders and their ability to assist in cleavage creation came up.  “But don’t pay $70 each for one.  Walmart sells them for $20”, I was told.

Harris K Telemacher (Steve Martin): I could never be a woman, ’cause I’d just stay home and play with my breasts all day. – L.A. Story

So shortly after I came home,  the Fresh Look version appeared on my favorite designer sell-off site at 2 for $19.99 (beige and black) so I bought the pair.  Not Nu Bra .. Fresh Look.

Not knowing what to expect and how they really fit, I had no idea what size would be right for me.  Could I wear the bra over breastforms? Were they a me-only deal?  I decided to try a C cup.

Well, it turned out that the entire cup is adhesive inside and quite sticky (at least when new) so I don’t think I’d risk sticking them to $200 forms.

So here goes!  Right after my shower, no lotion this time, I separated the cups, peeled back the protective plastic film on the beige one, turned  it inside out as recommended and aligned the center of  the cup with my nipple. Smoothed it into place.  Did the same with the other cup and connected them via the center clip.

And voila!  Cleavage!  Not my best ever (like in the photo above) but “all me” cleavage without any silicone.  I’m not sure how much of this is due to the fact that my breasts are quite “10 o’clock  – 2 o’clock” but the bra pulled them nicely together.

These little darlings certainly haven’t made me a C cup but for times when a less boobalicious look is preferred, these will work nicely.  They`ll also be perfect under a totally sheer top. No more visible straps or band across the back.

Next time I wear them I`ll be sure to measure them for cup size and will post the results in an update here.  I’ll  also let you know if I get anywhere near the 50 wearings the manufacturer suggests.

And in closing, I lifted my top and showed them to my sweetheart.  She approved, tried to `tweak`my nipples through the bra and bingo!  I got that all-to-familiar hugely erotic feeling that makes me purr and  makes my knees weak.

But that’s a story for another day.

What Have You Done For Me Lately?

_MG_4288s2

 

Is that what it’s all about?

I’ve noticed that my website traffic has taken a big hit recently. And blog comments are at an all-time low.

I assume a lot of this is related to the latest change to my site software.  Keeping loyal followers becomes more of an issue when you force everyone to join again.  I apologize for that but unfortunately I just didn’t have the time to figure out how to bring members and their login information forward after my hasty move from the old software.

By `losing`your user info, it’s like I wasn’t loyal to you so why should you be loyal to me?

Or maybe I’m just getting lost in an internet world that continues to add content exponentially.

Either way, this is me, I`m a happy chick and this is where I’m at.

Thank you to those who have been able to track me done here and especially to those who take the time to comment!  Love ya!

Invoke Societal Change First; then Pass Laws to Protect

Today, the OntariSeleenaK_8861so Human Rights Commission launched a new policy to protect the rights of transgender individuals.  Does Ontario need this?  Well, yes .. and no.  Let me explain my feelings.

From this girl’s experience, and from the experiences of many of my friends across the country,  Canada has been a relatively friendly place for trans people for many years.  It’s now in our culture to be accepting. Yes, marriages do end, families become estranged, friendships dissolve sometimes but jobs are usually kept and violence, both emotional and physical, is negligible.

And yes, there are individuals and pockets of individuals who don’t share a philosophy of tolerance but they’re relatively rare.  But since no one has pushed or angered them, their behavior usually falls into the “indifferent” category.

Since I spend lots of time in the US, I wish they could understand this concept .. what I like to call the “Canadian model”.  You see, first we change public feelings .. then we add laws and policies to take an official stand on that societal change.

We did this with same-sex marriage a decade ago and are doing it now with trans rights.

Every November, we observe the Transgender Day of Remembrance and we remember those who have lost their lives for simply being themselves.  Brazil, Mexico and the US are usually the top three countries where these tragedies occur.  Canada doesn’t even make the list. ~ Seleena Kay, preaching from her “you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar” pulpit

The US, in my opinion, is doing it entirely backwards.  There has been less of a cultural change promoting acceptance of same-sex marriage or trans rights.  But the laws are appearing regardless and the activists are claiming victory.  This does nothing except  make law-abiding people, though judgmental via their upbringing or religious beliefs,  feel like criminals.  And in those feelings bitterness thrives.

Are these extreme right wing “moral” people wrong?  Absolutely they are!  But can they change?  I believe they can be defused at the very least.

It’s that bitterness that could get someone like me seriously hurt.  And the law means nothing to either the perpetrator or the victim while an act of violence is being committed.  And this scares me.  Even the police scare me there.

So bravo to Ontario.  Bravo to the OHRC for the new policy.  And bravo to Canada for putting the horse before the cart!

You can read more about the policy here.

Laura Jane Grace

I’m not sure if you’ve heard of her. Since most of my crowd is more mature, I assume many of you have not. But, in my opinion, she’s the face of transgenderism for the next generation. And she’s a fabulous spokesperson.  Intelligent, sincere and very pretty although not as “girly” in appearance as some of us strive for, Laura Jane Grace is a songwriter and the lead singer/front person for a band called Against Me!  Transgenderisn appears often in her songs, which I would call dark folk with a grunge influence.  Not my cup of tea but I do respect her work.

Below is the link to her interview done by George Stroumboulopoulos for the CBC up here in Canada. It’s 22+ minutes in length but well worth a peek.

Strangely, most of the transgender community seems united with their positive feelings about the interview, although many have expressed displeasure because she failed to correct George when he said something about her “choice to transition”.  Personally, I had no issue with that and even if Laura Jane did, rather than get into a discussion which likely would have caused Strombo to correct himself for his choice of terms, she had the class to move forward.

“You want them to notice, the ragged ends of your summer dress. You want them to see you like they see every other girl. They just see a faggot. They’ll hold their breath not to catch the sick.“~ from Transgender Dysphoria Blues by Against Me!

Aside from being a good interviewer – he does his research – George is really a non-judgmental guy who truly does understand.

Laura Jane mentions she suggested the book Whipping Girl by Julia Serano as recommended reading for those wanting more information on gender dysphoria.  Although I’ve heard of the book, I haven’t read it but likely should.  If you’re interested, it’s available here.

Yes, Laura Jane has it easier than many of us.  Her generation isn’t a locked in to the rigid gender “rules” quite as tightly as my generation is, she lives in the music crowd  – a stereotypically non-judgmental grup – and is married to an artist, but the internal challengers and conflicts she once experienced were the same.

Although she’s doing a wonderful job bringing transgenderism to the young masses, there’s something going on behind her eyes that I find somewhat worrisome.  I wish her well.

And to George Stroumboulopoulos, well done!

What’s the Real Gender of an Author? and Facial Gender Analysis

There are a few fun tools available on the web these days that might be of particular interest to those of us in the transgender world.  The tools themselves are designed to be more fun than informative and were probably not designed specifically for transgender people at all.

Genderanalyser

The first one I’ll talk about today is Genderanalyser.  If my memory serves me correctly, the media story about this mentioned that it was written at Harvard or one of the big US schools.  It’s purpose in life is to tell if the text at the user-provided URL was written by a male or a female.  It provides a likelihood percentage and asks us to tell it if it’s correct.

“There are those who wish there were no differences between men and women. In the 1970’s at the University of California, Berkeley, the buzzword among young women was “mandatory unisex,” which meant that it was politically incorrect even to mention sex difference.” ~ Louann Brizendine, M.D.

I provided it with the url for my About Me page and it believes there is a 72% likelihood that page was written by a female.  When I tried my blog post Could I Blog Professionally? it replied “We guess http://seleenak.com/could-i-blog-professionally/ is written by a man (56%), however it’s quite gender neutral.” 

I was a little surprised that my blog post New Website Look: The Reason For the Change returned 59% female.  I would have suspected that the frustration I was feeling when I wrote that would have come out as male characteristics but they really didn’t.

You can find Genderanalyser here.  Give it a try!

Pictriev

The second tool I’ll mention is Pictriev,  the Facial Search Engine.  Upload an imagine or provide an image URL and Pictriev will try to tell you if the face is male or female. It will also try to guess the age and provide a short list of famous people with similar faces.

SeleenaK_8727s
I provide this image. It found my face buried in all the hair and scored it 22% masculine, 78% feminine and estimated my age at 26 – I’m more than double that age. Lookalikes include Paula Abdul, Joan Collins, Angela Lansbury and Jackie Collins.
SeleenaK_8993s
Then I uploaded this one. It scored 61% masculine, 39% feminine and age 40. Lookalikes include Oprah Winfrey, Naomi Campbell, Young Jeezy and Lenny Kravitz.
SeleenaK_6686s
Lastly, I tried this one. It scored 68% masculine, 32% feminine and age 45. Lookalikes are Susannah York, Sasha Cohen and Bianca Jagger. Interestingly, it believes the face is mostly male yet found only female lookalikes.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I also tried uploading a couple of photos of genetic females and, here are the results:

Marilyn923733764_1361915166
Marilyn Monroe is 0% masculine, 100% feminine and age 29. She died at age 36 so even the age is entirely possible. Her lookalikes were Marilyn Monroe (ha!), Barbara Lawrence and Mamie Van Doren.
audrey
Audrey Hepburn, who some believe had the perfect face, didn’t score quite as well as Marilyn. This photo as rated 6% masculine, 94% feminine and age 26. Her lookalikes were Audrey Hepburn (yay!), Sophia Loren and Jessica Marais.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So there you go.  Although I don’t know how the algorythm works, I think, if someone was so inclined, they could analyze their own results and make adjustments to their look to move the percentage in the direction of their choice.  A good self-improvement tool.

Yet when I discussed this online with tgirl friends their photos seemed to be scoring very high .. much higher than mine.  When they suggested I keep trying different photos until I got a high feminine rating I realized what they had been doing.

Instead of considering PicTriv fun or informative, they were using it flatter themselves.

We’re such an insecure, delusional group, aren’t we?  But maybe that’s what makes us sweet!

This Site and the Heartbleed Vulnerability

heartbleedFirst off, please be aware that the recently-reported Heartbleed is not a virus.  You won’t “get” anything on your computer and there are no infected websites.  It’s just a vulnerability that a hacker could use to intercept username and password info in transit when you log in to a secure server that uses a particular type of encryption.

You can usually tell if a website is using any type of encryption to log in the the log in url begins with https instead of the usual http.

If you’re concerned about the Heartbleed vulnerability on my website or would just like to change your password, login here . Then in the upper right corner of the next screen, mouse over your username and select Edit My Profile. From there you can change your password.

While my site is certified secure on the server side and is totally virus/malware free, it’s been built using the WordPress framework (that’s how you log in) and WordPress has not yet been certified free of the Heartbleed vulnerability.

I’ll update here when I get the “all clear” but please understand that the very worst thing that could happen would be that someone uses your password for this site to log in as you and possibly make a comment using your (usually fake) identity.  That’s it! There’s no way anyone could capture any of your other private information from visiting my website.

Could I Blog Professionally?

I wish I could but I just don’t think my writing skills are up to the task.

My favorite lingerie blogger in the world, The Lingerie ASeleenaK_5435_cropsddict, is looking for additional staff.  She  appears to be doing very, very well  and therefore needs to expand.  And the coolest part of her expansion is that she’d consider transgender writers!

Cora, the Lingerie Addict herself,  has always been a friend to the LGBT community.  She has zero tolerance for trans hate and understands the often unique needs we have at the lingerie counter.  So the possibility that she might select a staffer from the TG world is very exciting!

If I thought I had even a slight chance of filling the position I’d apply, but I think you all cut me a lot of slack here.  I just don’t think my writing skills are ready for prime time, and my lingerie knowledge is likely a little shallow as well.  But if you have the time, the talent and the expertize, you absolutely should apply to be part of her wonderful team.

Hopefully I’ll be updating this post in the near future to tell you that a TG blogger is part of the TLA team!  But in the meantime, if you care about lingerie, subscribe to The Lingerie Addict.  Your lingerie will fit better, you’ll save a tons of money and you’ll wow them when your daywear comes off!

Update: Sadly, I’m not longer recommending the Lingerie Addict.  I’m of the opinion that racism and racist rhetoric runs in both directions and I no longer follow this blogger.  I just got tired of listening to her complain “why are the no women of color ..” appearing in ads or getting modeling assignments.  Marketing staff go to great lengths to present the most marketable image and if that doesn’t involve women of color, why must it be considered a racial snub?   Good bye, and  good luck. You’re as racist as those you hate.

Your Thoughts on Tolerance?

Recently, Mozilla CEO Brendan Eich either resigned or was forced to resign over the news that he had contributed financially to support opposition to  same sex marriage in California.   He’s the guy who invented javascript (which has likely enhanced your web experience at least once in the last 24 hours whether you know it or not) and was the co-founder of Mozilla who’s mission to promote openness,  innovation and opportunity on the Web has always made the likes of Google, Apple and Microsoft SeleenaK_6196_gradient_sseem like greedy, power-hungry and anything-for-profit.

OKCupid, the dating site, started the blacklash that cost us Mr Eich’s tech talent.  Members arriving at their site using the Firefox browser were asked to come back using a different browser.

My dilemma is this;  I’m hugely in favour of same sex marriage but I’m also believe in freedom of choice.  And it doesn’t seem right to only allow freedom of choice when that choice falls in line with our personal beliefs.  This, to me, is thinly disguised fascism.

I think those of us who believe same sex marriage is a no-brainer need to work harder at changing opinion.

Does anyone think removing Eich from his job will change his opinion or anyone else’s?  It may cause him or those who share his feelings to be less vocal but it doesn’t increase support.  All it does is angers those who share Eich’s opinion thereby making them even stronger in their resolve.

Someone once told me “my father would have wanted to take ya out back and shoot ya, but ya know, you’re alright  … for a tranny!” ~ Seleena K

OKCupid, you suck monkey balls.  I think you’re pretending to have taken a stand against a judgmental  guy but you’re really just using a noble cause to gain publicity and increase profits.  Shame on you!

My goal will never be to force my beliefs on anyone, to incarcerate those who disagree, to financially castrate those who don’t see things my way.  But give me an opportunity and I’ll try very hard to change your opinion through honesty, tolerance, meaningful discussion and compassion.

What are your thoughts?

 

Website Update and Conference Plans

I thought it was time to check in with you to tell you how things are progressing with my new-look website.

I continue to add photos to the galleries in the Members area.  Lots there … tons more to add, and I’m adding daily right now.

SeleenaK_3686My video page, also in the Members area, needs a new, more polished look.  I’ll work on that eventually but for now, all the videos are there.

I’m making progress in bringing all my blog entries to the new site.  I’m working backwards chronologically and everything from today to early 2010 has now been restored.

Whew!  Lots of work!

On a more fun note, I’m seriously thinking of attending Gals Spring Fling in eastern Ontario next month.  I’ve wanted to attend this one for years but it always fell around a weekend that was difficult for me.

The town of Gananoque (pronounced gan-a-NOCK-way) is in the heart of the  Thousand Islands on the banks of the mighty St. Lawrence River.  It’s one of the most beautiful areas of Ontario.

The Thousand Islands extends on the Canadian side from Wolfe Island near Kingston, On., to the Brockville narrows at Brockville, On.. On the American side they extend from Tibbets Point on Lake Ontario to Morristown, N.Y. – per http://www.1000islandsontario.com/

The event is presented by Ottawa-based Gender Mosaic with help from Toronto-based Xpressions.  According to everyone who’s attended, Sophia, Amanda and staff create a totally wonderful experience.

And the town truly welcomes us with open arms.  This is very incredible for a town with a year round population just over 5,000.  But they do love us!  Or our money!  Or both!  haha!

If you’re planning to attend, please let me know.  A comment here or email to the address on my Contact  Me page would be fabulous.

New Website Look; The Reason for the Change

Let me get this off my chest.  It’s been bothering me for a long time and I’m hoping that by telling you about it, I can put it to rest.

I truly believe the tech revolution of the past few decades is nothing more than a change to the way we communicate.  The basis for, and the honesty behind, our communication should be no different than it was when we wrote letters and used the postal service to deliver them.  Only the methods we use to communicate have changed.  And there should be a reasonable expectation of honesty in our communication.

We are who we are.  Some of us are very boring and others are not.  Yet, in the online world, so many of us pretend to be who we are not; and piracy, copyright infringement, theft of intellectual property and plagiarism are the tools.

SeleenaK_3686So here’s the story.  A little over a year ago I was approached by a transgender web software developer about “bringing my website up to date” using her own, internally developed content management system.  It would have a modern look, be mobile device friendly and would be free for me to use in exchange for her company’s exposure.  She made this same offer to other t-girls website owners and several accepted.  It appeared she was being nice to a segment of the transgender community.  Cool.

She really caught me at a weak time because I agreed to make the change, hoping it would inspire me to create newer and nicer content that in the past.  But of course, I knew that nothing in life is really free.

The implementation of the new website code was rocky behind the scenes.  She trash-talked my hosting company (who I believe is one of the premier adult hosting services on the planet), talked down to me (not knowing that I had tons of corporate experience in large banking system implementations), and claimed some malicious code on my laptop was performing brute force hack attempts on her blog site (totally unfounded).

My site was primarily a photo/video site yet her platform was weak in those areas. So when it became obvious that her base product, the freebie, wouldn’t give me some functionality my old site had, I paid for add-ons.

She seemed like a nice, sincere person with good intentions, and maybe she was.

But when my old site was gone and the new site began to take shape, she pointed, in casual discussion, to her transgender blog site.  “Look at mine; see how nice it is?  Yours can be this nice too!” – I’m paraphrasing.

And I read her blog.

What I read was professionally written, extremely high quality blog posts and articles … and they was signed by her.  But after having communicated via email with her for more than a month, it was obvious to me that she could not have possibly written the words on her own site.  In reality, her spelling was poor, her grammar was poor, composition and sentence structure were not even close to the caliber on her blog.  She was plagiarizing everything.

Here’s a little trick if you suspect plagiarism.  Copy a couple suspect sentences and paste them into Google within double quotes.  If Google finds a perfect match, you’ll know it. And the posting date is a good indication of which one came first.

So I did a few searches.  She was plagiarizing a blogger/author in New Zealand regularly and stealing articles from Psychology Today magazine as well. Bloggers, magazines, journals .. everyone was fair game. And she didn’t give credit to anyone.

You can imagine what I was thinking.  If she’s okay using someone else’s content as if it was her own, how much of the software on my website is actually hers?  But I had put a lot of effort into moving to her platform, my old site was gone, and my free time was running out.

I said nothing and we finished converting my website to her platform.  But it bothered me.  Who was she?  Were her photos real?  Was she a trans woman at all?

Slightly more than a year went by with me worrying that I was going to be accused of using stolen SeleenaK_3688software .. “her” software.

Then in early March of this year, I got an email from her … the first in almost a year .. offering to upgrade me (“software is free, just pay for my time to convert”) to  her responsive platform.  Responsive platforms know the difference between smartphones, tablets and larger computers and adjust the website for optimal display in real time.  She told me how much work she had been doing for the TG community in her city, public appearances, cable TV  etc., (none of which I could verify) and that her blog now has nearly 10,000 subscribers.

So I told her the truth about how I was feeling and had been feeling since just after our relationship began.  I mentioned the plagiarism but didn’t provided links.

And she freaked.  “if you make such claims you need to specify the facts, what articles are you referring too?”  Even when confronted she wouldn’t be honest with me.  I certainly could have sent her a link to each of her articles as well as a link to the original article she had copied.  I discussed this with a politeness that she likely didn’t deserve.

It didn’t end well.

So, I had to get my panty-wearing butt in high gear to get my site moved from her platform to my own .. stat!  I chose the WordPress framework and built from there.  And I’m now able to sleep at night.

As they put my cold dead body into the ground, I need someone at the grave site to say “that bimbo may have had decent legs but she really had a lot of integrity!”

The only thing I regret is not being able to bring my existing member database forward to the new site so, unfortunately, you all had to join again.

So (if you’re still reading this), did I overreact? Am I overly cautious? Is it okay to be a blogger with 10k subscribers while presenting “stolen” content to them exclusively?

Am I an asshole who needs to get off her high horse and lighten up?

Your comments are appreciated.

Keystone Conference 2014

WelcomeToPennsylvaniaI thought that rather than do a review of the conference as I did last year, I’d just tell you about some of the fun I had and drop a few names along the way but, in the end, it feels just as much like a review as my ramblings last year.

This year, I arrived a full day early.   This gave my spouse Kim and me extra time to explore and relax too.

A financially-painful side note to adding an extra night at the Sheraton to the original booking: no discount was available on the extra night, even though it was a Monday and consecutive with the existing multi-day reservation.  It cost almost $100 more than all the other nights.  Yikes! The event room rate was good for this class of hotel but take it from a girl who loves nice hotels; the regular rate is too high for a place like that.

Registration

The registration process was nothing to write home about .. “too early! We don’t open until 1:00 pm”; well excuse me.  Not exactly a personable group at registration; no welcoming words or explanation of the package contents.  So off to the bar to have a drink and read the conference guide in search of seminars that might interest a girl like me.

Seminar Offerings

I thought the offerings this year were slightly better than last year, even though I still struggled to find anything really interesting.  But Monica Prata was there!  Yay! I’m a Monica groupie so I was at all of her seminars.   Awesome as always!  More about Monica, her presentations and her services in another post.

Our “Hostess”

Last year, it seemed that Kristina was the hostess at all the outings I attended.  This year it was Suzane .. awesome lady!  I even had lunch with her in the hotel restaurant during one of Monica’s seminars on girl dining.  Very cool and she had it together.  Hopefully, moving us around safely and efficiently wasn’t too much like herding cats for Suzane.

Keynote Speakers

Once again, I wasn’t impressed with the keynote speeches; but it’s that way for me (and many like me) at most events.  Although a relatively small percentage of attendees either are currently or are  planning to live full time as women, keynote topics all pertain mostly to topics and issues of interest to those who are.  And it always seems like a forum for speakers to tell us how great they are, how much adversity they’ve overcome and what a great job they’re doing for us.

And there’s rarely an acknowledgement that the audience is international.    Some of us are not too interested in hearing about changing interpretations of the US constitution, which US states do and which US states don’t, or who pays for which treatment in America.  But it’s a U.S. conference so I suppose we shouldn’t complain even though I’m not the only one who felt marginalized and excluded.

Laughter is universal and positive.  How about a daily dose of comedy instead of similar speakers delivering similar messages?

Are you tired of me whining yet?  ha!

The Event Hotel

The Sheraton Harrisburg Hershey was wonderful .. clean, pleasant, no elevator issues.  Luncheons were quite good, especially considering several hundred people were dining at the same time.  Service in the dining area was wonderful too.

The hotel bar, the Dog and Pony Lounge, was packed every night; live entertainment or karaoke .. fun!

On a personal level, this was the first event I’ve attended since I quit smoking several months ago.  As expected, I really did miss the socializing in the outside smoking areas.  For those of you who don’t smoke, there’s a certain rapport … a friendliness .. that persists in the smoking area.  Although I know my cigarette smoking days are over forever, the quick, fleeting, friendly encounters that happen, usually in less than pleasant weather, will always be missed.  Y’all might hate me for saying this but, in my opinion, smokers are just cooler people.

Distractions?

To the two girls who didn’t attend this year because they felt the Vanity Club presence was too much last year, please know that it appeared to be less this year.  But in my opinion, the Pink Essence presence was significant and the huge photo background in the lobby was a bit much.

Dining Out

Carrabbas Italian Grill in Hershey was nice; the food was very good and the service was excellent. A chain restaurant doing it right.  A perfect place for our welcome dinner.

Dining in the Mountainview Dining Terrace at the Hollywood Race Track and Casino was also very good and lots of fun!  Our server, Monique, was fabulous.

Char’s at Tracy Mansion was wonderful fine dining in an elegant setting on the river.  Yummy coconut martinis too.  Char herself even dropped by to welcome us.  I highly recommend Char’s to anyone looking for something upscale.

I did overhear a slightly unsettling customer dialog at Char’s as we all entered. Woman: “what kind of group is that?” The response was unintelligible to which she replied “oooooh”.  But all was fine and, frankly, I can’t blame anyone for wondering about our group.

It’s really about friends, isn’t it?

So, to Dianne V – my best event buddy from far, far away; Monica P – an inspiration; Scarlett T – my fave makeup artist; Suzane O – our fearless leader this time; Kat W – one classy lady who always seems to look at me like I’m from Mars (haha!); Penny P – my best friend from Erie Sisters; Samantha J – another best friend from Erie Sisters; Roxanne M – an event rookie who seemed like an event pro; Davina and Cyndi G – the very cool road warriors; Tania W – a wonderful lady, a hottie and a pleasure to chat with …. the minutes or hours I spent with you all were special, and I thank you for that.

And to that sweet couple from somewhere in New England (I think), “Patricia” and trans spouse with the killer heels and awesome furs, I really wish we would have shared contact info.  If either of you happen to stumble upon this, please get in touch.

My Photos

I took no pictures at all this year (other than the one at the top of this article that I scooped from the dash cam video).  None.  Zero. Nadda.  Zilch.  Wow.

In Summary

The hotel, although very nice, is not on the same level as the gorgeous SCC venue in Atlanta or even most of the hotels and B&B’s in Provincetown but the facility is a step up from the rather “rustic’ Fantasia Fair event locations.  The place was spotless, they treated us well and the food, both in the banquet hall and the restaurant was very good.  All in all, a wonderful venue for an event like this!

I didn’t find the event staff to be excessively personable (Suzane was the exception this year); definitely not even close to the smiling, chatty, fab volunteers at Fantasia Fair.  But the schedule worked, the buses were there when expected and I believe the seminars all happened as planned.

There did seem to be an awful lot of makeup artists in attendance.  I’m not sure how well any of them did financially since supply seemed much greater than demand.

But if you can only attend one event each year, I think the Keystone Conference is the one to attend.  A much better value, more organized and more fun than Southern Comfort Conference; less expensive (albeit shorter in duration), less weather-affectable and less geographically spread out than Fantasia Fair and a little more high heel friendly.

And to some of us, that’s really important!

The Messenger is as Important as the Message

LGBT – there was a time when none of us were accepted or tolerated. And then, things began to change. Here’s my take on how it happened, why it happened and where things are or are not headed. And please forgive me if it appears I’m generalizing and using stereotypes.

The “T” part of LGBT is falling dreadfully behind in attaining the tolerance and understanding of the western world. And I believe there are several reasons for this. But to understand it, I think it’s wise to look at the “L”, the “G” and the “B” to get an idea how they’ve accomplished what they have.

I’ll start with gays. From my experience, part of the gay community is … ummm .. detectable. Mannerisms, speech, appearance, a feminine edge .. the stereotypical stuff. But the other part just looks like average hetero guys.  Very nondescript.

In the lesbian world, a similar split exists (with a touch of androgyny in there for good measure). Some ladies have a distinctively masculine edge in mannerisms, speech and appearance .. again the stereotypical stuff. But many present to the world the way society expects hetero women to appear.

I’ll mention bisexuals just for the sake of inclusion but, to me at least, they’re the most invisible portion of the LGBT population. And the hetero world seems to think that bi women are hot, and bi men are not. But no one sees a person walking down the street and thinks “there’s a bisexual!”.  So they benefit from recent legislative or social changes, or not .. based on their current situation.

SeleenaK_20140131_154232s

It’s all about appearance

The vanilla world is comfortable with the status quo … those who look like them; those who act like them. And their queeziness is usually only triggered by those who don’t conform in appearance or mannerism. So because of this, half of the gay and lesbian world .. the invisible half .. gets a pass by default.

I remember some research done years ago regarding appearances. People of all ages were shown photos of people with varying degrees of “prettiness” or “handsomeness” and were asked to make assumptions based on what they saw. Were the people honest, trustworthy, intelligent, pleasant, miserable? And the result were uncanny. Those on both ends of the attractiveness scale didn’t rate too high but those on the attractive side of normal rated very highly. They were automatically considered more trustworthy, honest and intelligent than those on the other side of the median. Applying a slight amount of makeup changed the perception towards the positive.

Of course getting to know these people would probably change our opinions of them drastically but, if they climbed out of the photo and sat beside us silently, they would have a leg up on the others. The good feelings we had towards them were theirs to lose simply because they made us feel comfortable initially.

We’re built to size each other up quickly. Even if we’re presented with lots of evidence to the contrary, we’re attached to our initial impressions of people—which is why you should be aware of the impression you make on others. – Psychology Today

Now in the transgender world, the number of genetic males identifying as women (M2F) far exceeds the number of genetic women identifying as men (F2M, or trans men).

Trans men, for whatever the reason, on average seem to be more articulate in the way they present than t-girls (like me). And they rarely get a questioning look.

Trans girls, on the other hand, (and I’m generalizing again) rarely do a good job of presenting as an attractive, likeable person, and often appear (I’m being kind here) on the plain side of the median. And that presentation makes the uninformed around us very uncomfortable.

Let’s pretend for a moment that you are the court of tolerance; the court of public opinion. As the lesbians, gays, bisexuals and transgenders lobby, discuss, educate and try to rally support for their respective causes, the lesbians stand before you looking like the woman next door or the somewhat tomboyish woman from down the street; the gays stand before you either looking like the guy next door or a really attractive guy from GQ magazine (giggle*) while the transgenders usually stand before you either looking like nothing you’ve ever seen before or like a scraggly, old chick from the hippie era. The “L” and “G”‘s, by appearance alone, have hit the ground running.

You hear their pleas, their “LG” points and counterpoints because your first impression is positive and their appearance didn’t distract you. But you didn’t hear a word the transgender said because it took you so long to adjust to the unfamiliar image in front of you.

The reason I bring all this up now is because of the lovely Panti Bliss. Panti (aka Rory O’Neill) is a gay drag queen in Ireland who is singlehandedly changing the way the Irish, their legislators and media think about gays and homophobia. Signs are appearing in shop windows proclaiming “we support Team Panti”. T-shirts are on the streets.  She’s pretty, well-spoken and sincere and a fabulous spokesperson for the gays in Ireland. And because of her likeable character, talking about how things make her feel is causing most people to want to help; to want to see the good side in people; to want to be less cruel.

Here’s Panti’s video that continues to draw so much attention. As you watch this, consider how different it’s impact would have if Rory was not in Panti-mode when it was done.

Do you understand what I’m trying to say?

As I prepare to head off to yet another conference where I’ll feel obligated to sit through boring keynote speeches by non-charismatic, non-Panti-like activists, I offer this:  To those of you who carry the torch for us, please know that, like it or not, your appearance, your physical presence, your charisma are important. Maybe more important than the legal or constitutional verbiage you quote.

Learn from Panti!

I know … most of you feel the world should accept us as we are. Absolutely! But until that time comes, let’s drop the “I gotta be me” and “dress for success”.

Or better still, lets find spokespeople who are a little more like Panti. Because the way we’re doing it just isn’t working regardless of the insignificant trivial tidbits our activists keep throwing at us as their successes.

Please note: I don’t believe that inherent attractiveness is a deciding factor in gaining acceptance. Large, small, tall, short, pretty, ugly, race, age … none of that is relevant. It’s all about the effort we put forward.  And on a personal note, if I didn’t try hard to appear presentable, you definitely would not be reading this nor visiting my website.  I could definitely be the queen of the scary ladies!  Trust me on this. 🙂

The Penis – Now You See It; Now You Don’t!

20140123_145610

Did I really just say “penis”? I kinda like the sound of that word passing over my lips. Maybe a touch more classy than “cock” .. my usual term?

Anyway, those who refer to that piece of the anatomy as “junk” might be better off skipping this article. My opinions are much more pragmatic.

To tuck or not to tuck is a question asked by some of us. I’m never indifferent. There are times when I feel I must, and there are times when I feel I must not. I can’t tell you why it must be one way or the other for me but it has nothing to do with arousal for me.  It’s just about what seems “right”at the time.

But for this discussion, let’s assume you have either decided to make the big guy vanish because of the outfit you’re wearing, or that you’re feeling sexually girlish today, or that you and your penis are just not friends at the moment.

What is your goal and how do you make it happen?

SeleenaK_8231sThe standard tucking technique has been explained in tons of YouTube videos. It involves wearing a gaff, homemade from the ankle portion of a tube sock and the waistband of an old pair of pantyhose or bought ready-made from your favourite CD or drag queen supply store, and  often involves using tape.

Taping, although quite secure, isn’t usually a wise idea, in my opinion, because isn’t easy to remove, can hurt your skin and usually makes a visit to the ladies room difficult if not impossible. And an unexpected erection (for those of you inclined that way) can be quite painful.

But all methods involve pushing the testicle back up into their “pockets” in the lower abdomen. This leaves an empty scrotum that can be pushed back between the legs and into the butt area along with the penis, and then secured there with either a gaff, tight panties or tape.

Fun fact about testicles: In the early stages of male fetal development, ovaries descend from their position in the abdomen to form testicles. In female babies, they remain ovaries and stay up inside.

I’ve learned a similar but different way of doing it. Yes, testicles go up inside and scrotum goes back, but my penis goes straight into my body instead of going back and between my legs. In the same way the testicles each have their own pocket, the penis seems to have one too.  At least mine does 🙂  I just grab the head and move everything towards and into my pelvis.

A word about cock size: Some penises are the same length and circumference whether erect or not. When erect, they simply become rigid. Other cocks are smaller when flaccid yet grow, both in length and circumference, when erect. This behavior has nothing to do with final erection size. I fall into the second category yet, when erect, I’m at least slightly larger than average yet when flaccid, I’m a pretty easy “tuck”.  (You just don’t learn things like this in your high school locker room .. hopefully)

So, for me, testicles up, scrotum back between my lower butt cheeks, penis straight in and with a snug pair of SeleenaK_0761sxpanties or control top pantyhose, I’m good to go. Comfortable enough for all day, sitting, standing, moving around yet a trip to the ladies room is quick, hygienic, painless and requires no re-taping.

And if the sexual energy is high after the party is over, some direct but gentle pressure in that area with my Hitachi Magic Wand brings a mind-blowing orgasm of the “no-erection” variety.

My cum-like-a-girl technque for this type of vibrator play is done in exactly the same manner as how a women would use the vibe, but with a very .. umm .. moist conclusion.

Another benefit, for me at least, is that the whole area becomes somewhat sensitized when walking .. a pleasant feeling for me. And when sitting with my legs crossed as I most often do, a slight tensing of my muscles in that area can be quite erotic … and I can do this anywhere and at any time!

One more thing to mention. I can’t believe I’m going to mention this too but since I’m already a little over the top, why not? It’s about scent.

Maybe in a similar way to how a post-op transexual will self-lubricate, keeping the penis inside for an extended period of time causes a slight slippery film to develop and it has a bit of a fragrance .. somewhat similar to .. well, you know. Not intrusive, disguisting or objectionable at all but it’s definitely there.

So, if you’re interested in doing something different, give my technique a try. And please let me know if you’re able to manoever things around as I’ve suggested. Also, if you know of a reason why I shouldn’t be doing this, please let me know that too.

The thoughts and opinions here are mine only, and should not be used in place of common sense. Before altering the geography of your genetalia even temporarily, always consult a physician; not a web bimbo like me!

2013 Highlights and Lowlights

ComputerTime_0123

Yet another year is in the books.  2013 was an interesting year for me.  Not the most exciting year ever but quite interesting just the same.

On the positive side, I won a couple little contests through my online hi-jinx on Facebook and Twitter.  A few pairs of pantyhose from Gilt City New York , a corset from my favourite corset shop Orchard Corset  and a three piece lingerie set (complete with nylons) from Gossard Lingerie and Aristoc Hosiery in the UK.

Although I do appreciate receiving these types of gifts, the most fun for me is in participating in their online promotions.  I suppose it gets me out of the trans world briefly and allows me to play a bit in the non-gender-dysphoric world.

I still fantasize that someday I’ll be asked to help market so many of the wonderful products I review for myself on a daily basis.  The transgender community makes up an ever-increasing part of the retro lingerie and hosiery market, and it appears most of the retailers realize this.  But god knows, some of them need help attracting transgender customers

But in addition to my little prize winnings in 2013,  I also:

  • was asked by The Lingerie Addict to review a blog entry (prior to publication) that dealt with body image and transgender world (Cora is my girl-crush; I think she’s smart, gorgeous and I respect her lots)
  • attended a couple TG conferences in the US.  Both the Keystone Conference in Harrisburg PA and Southern Comfort Conference in Atlanta GA were great fun.
  • got to spend more time with my friend Dianne
  • enjoyed following The Lingerie Addict, the Lingerie Lesbian,  Oh Jacquie Simone, Danielle (from Orchard Corset), Lee Ann (owner-operator L. Kink Clothing, Billy Patrick, Reg Nadkcin (sans groupie entourage), Ruth Johnston and the ever-wonderful Brian, the Aussie Biker.

But my hands-down, absolutely, most exciting moment came back in March when I had a very brief dialog with someone in outer space!  Now I know what you’re thinking … “she’s finally lost her mind”.  But it’s true.  For a HadfieldTwitter_sfew months, Canadian astronaut Chris Hadfield was the commander of the International Space Station and he was very accessible to the world in real time via Twitter.

I’m very conscious that I have the potential to cause embarrassment to people in the public eye.  Simply acknowledging someone like me can bring a negative response from a judgmental world so I always tread carefully in those areas.  But, I let one slip by.  I asked him a question and he replied!!  The question itself isn’t important out of context but he answered it!

This might not seem like a big deal to you but to me it was huge!   A t-girl, sitting at her desk on good old terra firma having a dialog with a national hero orbiting the earth at how-many-thousand miles per hour?  Woah!  When I saw his reply, my heart skipped a beat.

On the somewhat negative side, the King of the US still has the world hanging in uncertainty, political correctness is destroying much of the good in the world, liberals/progressives/academics have become mean and judgmental, and, once again, I’ve watched (from afar this time) more lives and families get destroyed due to that middle-age-crisis-transgender-manifestation.  But since I can’t protect everyone or help the entire world, they’re just not my problems, are they?

So, for 2014, I’d still love to get back into the photo and video groove that I lost a couple years ago.  I’m hoping I can make that happen but it’s doubtful.

I have no “fetishy” people in my life right now and I miss that lots.  No trying to get into my life; no looking to me for a full romantic sexual relationship.   No, no, no.  But let’s talk about your fetishes and I’m there.

Have a fabulous 2014!  I wish you health and happiness!

Banned From Flying

SeleenaK_2011-10-21-14.38.17

A couple recent news stories caught my attention.  They involved a pair of very well known transgender “performers” who were escorted off a WestJet flight from Toronto when it landed in  Edmonton.  Both were detained briefly; one was charged with causing a disturbance.

It appears the “situation” started when a flight attendant made a comment to the effect “you guys have to teach us how to do makeup.  You know, because you used to be guys right?“.  While this, to me, was not exactly an insult, apparently it was to the girls.

The first use of the word “guys” is used all the time and is not always a gender-specific reference.  It’s like “folks” but somewhat more casual .. at least not in the dialect of Canadian English I’m used to.  The second use of the word “guys” was used to state a fact, and “used to be guys” really was an acknowledgment of the fact that they are no longer considered to be guys.

But Lexi got technical.  If you consider us guys, then it’s not against the law for guys to take their top off .. and she proceeded to do a striptease down the aisle of the plane.  What an asshat.

SeleenaK_000843You can read the whole story here.

Apparently both girls were still carrying male ID, and therefore were told by police that if they were incarcerated, it would be in a cell with males.  She made light of it saying that it sounded like it would be a good time but the reality is that most normal incarcerated criminals would have beaten the crap out of her.

Their interviews with the media were silly .. they made light of the entire incident.

So after spending time in Edmonton, with tickets in hand, they arrived at the airport for the trip back to Toronto.  Air Canada this time.  But were told at check-in that they were banned from flying based on their behavior on the other airline.  Would WestJet allow them to fly home?  Not a chance.

Luckily for them, VIA Rail was kind enough to let them travel to Toronto.  There’s no mention in the media but I’m guessing that they were told there would be no tolerance for silliness on the train.

Here’s the second story.

My thoughts on all this?  Well, I’m quite sure you already know where I stand.  Transgender people fly all the time  without incident, regardless of any comments ,malicious or innocent, from staff or passengers.  I really don’t think the flying world is out to get transgenders, especially not in Canada.

This whole incident was just a case of two delusional girls forgetting that the real world is a lot larger than the tiny world they exist in.   Oh sure, a good part of the TG community will rally behind them and against the mean old airlines, mostly because “there’s no excuse for discrimination” .. but this is less about TG discrimination and more about uncooperative passengers causing a disturbance.  Children on an airplane really don’t need to see tranny boobs.

Their behavior has done us all a great disservice and has pushed us back a step or two on the road to acceptance and integration.

Life is not a joke girls.  Public perception means a lot .. it’s often the difference between a smile and a punch .. or worse.

Angelina’s Revelation

SeleenaK_2011-10-21-14.38.17

Angelina Jolie recently announced that she had a “preemptive” full double mastectomy due to a genetic condition that indicates she is at a very high risk to develop breast cancer.   Although I think everyone respects her decision to do what she feels is necessary, her public exposé and the typical internet shitstorm that followed all combine to make me ask questions.

Angelina has done a fabulous job exploiting her on-screen talents and that has put her in a much different situation financially than the vast majority of women in the world.    The gene test for breast cancer predisposition (the BRCA1 gene) alone costs over $3,000USD.   How many women, although suspicious due to a family history of breast cancer, can afford this?

And of those who can, how many are prepared to deal with a positive result?  As is the case with most things in life, ignorance is bliss .. but once we know something, we feel compelled to act.  I have no personal experience with this, of course, but I’m guessing that a positive (voluntary) test result would hit almost as hard as a positive cancer diagnosis.

I lost my mom to breast cancer.  Angelina’s story made me think about my mom, and what her seemingly normal life would have been like if she would have known what the future had in store for her, yet she was powerless financially to change it.  Knowing her, and how seriously she took motherhood, I can only assume the stress she would have felt while still healthy would have changed the joyful years she spent with us.

But back to Ms Jolie’s situation, she’s out there now as a model for women to “know that they have some strong options”.

Excuse me? Strong options?  While I don’t begrudge Angelina’s affluence at all .. she earned it .. I have to wonder what “strong options” most women have.  I also don’t want to downplay the trauma associated with having body parts removed, especially those that the world chooses to use to judge  attractiveness and femininity, but not everyone has a team of Beverly Hills plastic surgeons waiting in the wings to use state of the art surgery techniques and implants to soften the appearance of the affected area after a radical double mastectomy.

SeleenaK_8993sAlmost every woman forced to take such extreme intervention is devastated since the post-surgery appearance most have to live with is aesthetically “difficult”.  In virtually ever case, the nipples are lost .. Angelina’s were not.  Ms Jolie’s procedure was done in two steps .. for optimal cosmetic results.  A piece of cadaver tissue was used to support the implants .. again optimal for that “natural” appearance.   (Yes, you read that right.  Tissue from a dead body was used. )

Yes, she has sacrificed part of her body in the interest of survival  .. a huge and very difficult decision and we applaud her for that, but that decision was certainly made a little easier because of her access to top drawer cosmetic surgery.

I just think it’s unfair of her to go public with a very private issue under the guise that women should take control of their personal situation.  Yes, taking control of our destiny is important as it relates to our choices in life, love, family, careers, relationships and friends but horrific diseases are just something we can rarely control, unless our course we’re financially well situated.

Here’s what she said in the New York Times opinion pages: “I chose not to keep my story private because there are many women who do not know that they might be living under the shadow of cancer.  It is my hope that they, too, will be able to get gene tested, and if they have a high risk they, too, will know that they have strong options”

In my opinion, she’s not feeling very comfortable with her decision and is seeking validation, or help, from the public to pat her on the head, call her brave and wonderful, tell her they love her dearly, tell her that she did the right thing and massage her ego at a time when she’s feeling down.  All things that the average woman, post-mastectomy, will have, at best, on a miniscule scale, from one or two family members or close friends.

The final insult to breast cancer survivors will come when she starts to appear in public once again looking “boob-a-licious”.   And I’m guessing that will happen.  Of course she’s entitled to do that! But if her disclosure had never happened, she wouldn’t be rubbing anything in anyone’s face, figuratively speaking.

In my opinion, the world changed slightly when she made her announcement on Tuesday May 14th 2013.  From that day forward, many women, upon getting a breast cancer diagnosis, will feel even worse because they either ignored, or weren’t able to follow, Angelina’s “advice”.  I know her words would not have been received as motivation by my mom.

Why do celebrities feel the need to do stuff like this?  I don’t think we should be getting our political “advice” from Bruce Springsteen, Bob Dylan, Ted Nugent or Clint Eastwood, and our healthcare information and survival motivation shouldn’t be coming from Angelina Jolie.

But on a more positive note, her timing could have been worse.  For those like me who lost a mom or sister to that dreadful disease, Mother’s Day was a time to reflect on the good times.

Anklets

BalletBootsSilhouette_2295

Ankle bracelets, or anklets, have been around for centuries.  The ancient Egyptians may have been the first to wear them.

Still in use today, they seem to fall into a couple different categories.  Casual anklets, often made of leather or rope straps, often braided, and adorned with heavy beads (or not) are worn causally and always on bare legs.  They add a lot of sexiness to shorts, sandals and even beach wear.

A finer, dressier, more glittery version adds the finishing touch to a glamorous outfit.  Similar to necklaces, these tend to be gold or silver, with small beads, rhinestones, pearls or a combination.

In eastern cultures, anklets are commonly worn on both ankles.  In western culture, one ankle is typical.

Which Ankle?

SeleenaK_1385details

There are lots of opposing opinions regarding the meaning of wearing an anklet on the right or left ankle.  Most are centered around a person’s relationship status and sexual availability.  But, from this girls observation, the right ankle is most common in the western world.  Does it mean that most women who wear ankle bracelets are sexually available to others?  Possibly, though not likely.  Yet I can’t help but think that on some level, overtly or deep inside, a certain sensual mindset exists in those who make the effort to adorn their ankles in this way; though it’s most likely about how it makes us feel and not so much about telling the world who and what we are.

Over or Under?

For those of us who wear sheer hosiery, the second “controversy” relates to wearing anklets over or under our nylons. I’ve read tons about this and, again, opinions vary greatly about what’s proper, what’s sexy and whether over or under is more likely to ruin your fine hosiery. Some feel that the anklet should always be worn touching the skin; others feel it’s beauty is less obvious when worn under nylons. Some say that wearing under will ruin your stockings quicker while others say wearing over is a recipe for disaster.

I can only share my experience on this and let you make your own decision.  I wear mine over my nylons … always have .. and have never ruined a pair of ultra-sheer expensive stockings from wearing mine that way. I do choose bracelets that feel nylon-friendly though, and prefer types with a lobster clasp for this reason.

Regarding sexuality and anklets, are you a “naked sex” girl?  If removing your stockings in the heat of passion or as foreplay is you or your partner’s thing, wear your anklet under your nylons. If your stockings remain on when things get hot and sexual, over is the way to go!

Maybe that’s a more appropriate and relevant anklet “signal”, and for some of us, totally important. If she’s wearing her anklet over her nylons, she doesn’t plan to remove her stockings no matter how hot and heavy things get!

Now that’s the kind of thing fantasies are made of .. don’t you agree?

Heroes and Villians

SeleenaK_1237s

So terrorists do bad things.  It’s life now and will be for the foreseeable future.  That doesn’t scare me.

But what does scare me is the reaction to terrorism that was so rampant in Boston after the marathon bombing.

We all heard a lot of “Boston Strong!” and talk about law enforcement “heroes”.  I wasn’t there but, looking from outside the border, it’s all a little concerning.  Boston did not appear “strong” .. a couple kids had them cowering in their homes.  And I just don’t see any heroics in anything law enforcement did.

First of all, federal, state and local agencies were unable to protect their own citizens, let alone international visitors to a world-renowned event, from some pretty unsophisticated terrorists.  Then, when both savages were within reach, the youngest was able to get away.  And after locking down the whole city and searching with all the tools at their disposal, it took a curious citizen to find the kid.

I’m not pretending to think that law enforcement is easy .. I know it’s not.  But hearing “we’ve learned a lot and we’ll do better next time” would have been much more comforting than to see everyone, from the governor on down,  taking a bow for the fabulous work they did.  Citizens should have respectfully demanded an improvement.

Maybe the words that affected me so much were just an emotional outpouring out of fear or an attempt to heal .. but like alcoholism, the first step towards recovery is admitting you have a problem, and it requires real courage to do that.

There’s nothing “weak” in admitting you’re down when you are.

Someone like me can only survive in the world today if I’m grounded in reality .. it keeps me safe.  When you’re down, say you’re down and we’re all there to help you up.  I’m the type of girl who goes out of her way, within my financial means, to support communities in times of need. But delusional talk is not comforting nor does it inspire support.

But America doesn’t need support .. emotional, financial or otherwise ..  from the rest of the world, do they?

Being a Part Time Girl in a Full Time Culture

SeleenaK_2011-10-21-14.38.17In society, we all live part time existences.  We spend part of our time as parents, part of our time as friends, part of our time as employees, part of our time as activists, part of our time as lovers.  And no matter where we sit on society’s cruel totem pole, we spend part of our time doing everything.  And that’s considered acceptable; maybe even “well rounded”.

But in the transgender world, this is not the case.  Girls who are girls part time are at the very bottom of the pecking order .. on the bottom rung of the ladder.   And this especially applies to those who are unwilling to permanently alter their appearance to any degree if the enhancements would compromise their appearance when in the “other mode”.  Permanent hair removal, pierced ears and, most certainly, hormone replacement therapy would fall into this category.

Would you like to move up a rung on that ladder?  Laser hair removal will take you there, as well as bring congratulations from your peers.  Hormone replacement therapy gets you an even bigger “congrats!” and moves you up another rung or two.

Start living full time and you’re almost at the top of the food chain .. regardless of the carnage in your wake.   Necessary carnage maybe , but the carnage and tears are all too real.

Now don’t get me wrong.  I don’t believe that anyone has any of these procedures, or changes their life entirely, for the purpose of climbing the ladder, but it is most certainly a welcomed side effect that brings a feeling of pride to those who go in that direction.

To those who need to transition,  it is a vital as coming up from the bottom of the swimming pool for a breath of air.  And it appears, in my opinion, to be something non-negotiable.  It simply must happen.  To make a person “whole”.  To fix what’s broken.  And I would never question that.

But what I do question is why making something “right” moves a person up on the scale, higher even than someone who was (luckily)  born that way.  Is it perceived bravery?  Overcoming hardship? Possibly, but I don’t think it’s bravery that causes a person to leave the bottom of the swimming pool for a breath of air so vital to their very existence.  Maybe it’s the decision, and,  subsequently, the necessary actions needed to get on with life as opposed to ending it prematurely, as so many do.

But I still don’t see how that puts someone “above” anyone who is able to deal with their own gender dysphoria in a less catastrophic way.  And who I believe is equally worthy of congratulations for the life long balancing act they choose to endure.

Although I never think of myself as a crossdresser .. I think of myself as a two-spirited person .. that’s  SeleenaK_5110s_HDRwhat I’m considered to be by most in the TG world.  So I sit on the bottom rung of the ladder.  

I’ve hurt no one.  I’ve alienated no one.  I’m able to be what loved one’s need me to be.  I’m able to “be there” for them always.  I’m successful.  I’m reasonable affluent.  I’m “civically” responsible and I give to charity.  And I pride myself in being able to live in either world reasonably well, without causing  any embarrassment and without making anyone feel uncomfortable.  Yet I sit on the bottom rung of the ladder. 

Luck, life, or my own discipline and fortitude, allows me to travel through time with little or no personal, relationship-destroying baggage.  And a mis-used pronoun won’t ruin my day nor the day of those around me.  Yet I sit on the bottom rung of the ladder.

“But I’ve got nothing against crossdressers!”  Well, thanks sweetie but looking down from your lofty perch,  you just put two very negative words in front of the label you just handed me.

So to those of you teetering on the top of that ladder, please know that I, and a huge number of others just like me, are down here on the ground, both feet firmly planted on terra firma, with balance and stability that’s rock solid.  And because of our large numbers, and the fact that so few of us need financial help, we contribute financially in a very big way to the events, gatherings, foundations and societies you call your own.

Please remember that we might be the EMT that puts you back together after a tragic accident, or the “dude” that intervenes when a hate crime is being perpetrated against you, or the doctor that performs your gender reassignment surgery, or, at the very least,  the “guy” holding your hand when you awaken from that surgery.

But you won’t recognize us, will ya?

Keystone Conference 2013

SeleenaK_6356sHere’s my review of the Keystone Transgender Conference in Harrisburg PA.  My darling Kim is joining me on this one so I’ll be reviewing the conference from her perspective as well as mine.  The conference starts on Wednesday March 13th and runs until Sunday March 17th.

I’ve been told there are usually around 300 in attendance but this year attendance will much higher than that.  Since the Be All Conference in Chicago has been cancelled, likely indefinitely, it seems that many of the regular Be All attendees will be at Keystone.  This would make the Keystone Conference the 2nd largest in North America.

Hope the organizers can handle the sudden growth.

Tuesday March 12, 2013

My bags are packed for an early morning departure!  Since the event runs over four days, eight changes of clothes should be sufficient.  So I’m bringing twelve!  No worries about checked bag limits this time.  Harrisburg is a 6-ish hour drive … maybe 8 hours in total including stops along the way .. so waiting around the airport for a short flight in to Baltimore, renting a car and driving a couple hours back towards home doesn’t really make sense.

Rumor has it that the host hotel is totally booked, a second hotel is full and late reservations are using a third hotel.  I imagine it’s just another day for the folks at the Sheraton but, personally, I worry a bit about messed up reservations when hotels are this full.

Also looking forward to spending time with my best girl friend Dianne.  I haven’t seen her since last October and she’s flown over 16 hours to be here.

But so far so good.  The online event registration process worked like a charm; the hotel handled our room upgrade wishes and my questions to the organizers got quick responses although general communication from the event organizers has been light.

Wednesday March 13, 2013

 

The drive to the conference was nice.  Not exactly colorful but still quite scenic.

The hotel is very nice too.  Much nicer than it appears online.  Clean, modern, spacious and the staff is very nice to us.

Had dinner at a wonderful restaurant in Mechanicsburg.  Carabbas Italian Grill was quite busy, but the service was perfect.  After a long day, I chilled back at the hotel in the Dog and Pony Lounge with  friends and went up to sleep a little past 1:00am. Service in the bar was somewhat slow.

 

Thursday March 14, 2013
Slept until after 9:00am  … I needed that!  Lunch at the hotel was nice.  Excellent keynote speaker.  Kye Allums is a young female-to-male transgender who spent some time in the national spotlight in the US in the basketball world.

After lunch I checked out the vendor area.  It was interesting but I really didn`t see much there that appealed to me.  But late in the afternoon, I attended a seminar on Comportment by Monica Prata, Feminine Image Consultant.  Monica is in the process of launching Nouveau She, a service that “provides full-range femininity training in-person and online for individuals who are cross-dressing, transitioning or integrating their masculinity with their femininity.”  Monica is very knowledgeable, is totally gorgeous and a lot of fun.
(Side note story about Monica:  Did I mention gorgeous? She is.  Picture this; she’s wearing a sexy, frilly black top, tight grey mini, dark hose and black heels .. and she’s talking to us about feminine movement and stance.  With legs spread a little and her weight on both feet she said “Don’t stand like this! It doesn’t look feminine.” But when standing like that, she looked very sexy.  Next she said “Shoulders back, but not your chest out.  It looks off-balance and silly” but again, when she stood that way, she looked fabulous, and again, very sexy.  🙂   So for most of us there, remembering only her words will help with our appearance but we need to erase the images she presented from our mind.  Only goes to show, when you’ve got it (as she does), there isn’t much you can do wrong.  But when you don’t have it (like the rest of us), attention to detail is important. )

In the evening, took the motor coach to the Hollywood Casino in Hershey.  Again .. nice dinner, great SeleenaK20130314_214839sMerlot, lost a few dollars gambling and then back to the Dog and Pony lounge for karaoke.  The place was crazy.  A couple vodka tonics there (no karaoke for this girl)  and I`m off to sleep again.

Friday March 15, 2013

Took it easy this morning … the late nights are already catching up with me.  Coffee in the Club Lounge, got caught up on my email and went to lunch with the conference group.  But on the way to lunch, I stopped by the vendor area to be sure that Scarlett from Scarlett’s Makeovers was here.  I have an appointment with her right after lunch for an advice session.  Got to meet Scarlett’s partner while I was there.  She’s gorgeous and very sweet.

Noticed as soon as I got towards the banquet room that attendance is still growing.  Wow.  It seems that many don’t come for the entire conference.  There might be twice as many here now as there was on the first day.

Lunch was excellent (bravo again  Sheraton!) but the keynote speaker, Mara Keisling, didn’t interest me very much at all so it was okay that I had to leave during dessert for my one o’clock appointment with Scarlett.  I chose Scarlett because we had met at Fantasia Fair in Provincetown last October and I thought she was very cool and very talented.  She gave me a few tips; foundation is a little heavy, concealer for the darkness around my eyes (too many late nights!), heavier blush, some shading tips to take the focus away from my nose (the “nose that could stop a bus” .. hehe!) and some eye lash suggestions.

I don’t wear false eyelashes all that often but the one’s I do wear are a little extreme for my face.  So I’ll be replacing by Red Cherry #100’s with #510’s … and I need to start trimming the lash length (left to right .. not the length of the individual lashes).  All great advice.  I left Scarlett looking much nicer and am very appreciative of the time I spent with her..

Dinner was downtown at Raspberries.  Around 40 of us were there.  Food was very good and the staff treated us fabulously.  It was a short walk to the Open  Stage Theater.  The theater was great fun!  The cast is very talented and the other theater-goers were cool with us joining them.  Christy Snow and Hayden were our escorts for the evening and they took wonderful care of us.  Christy’s a darling and she works so hard to keep us organized.  And Hayden was awesome too.  It’s great having a trans guy looking out for us.

Saturday March 16 2013

The “faces” of the attendees seems to have changed again.  The crowd is even larger, which I imagine confirms my suspicions that many only come for the last couple days.

Another wonderful lunch provided by the nice people at the Sheraton, and another token keynote speaker to tell us the same old story.  This time it was Mara Keisling, the Executive Director of the National Center for Transgender Equality. , and personally, I found her political references silly, boring and exclusionary to those of us in attendance who are not from the USA .  So what if she met Michelle Obama?  I met Judy, the bus driver, and I sincerely believe Judy wasn’t nice to me simply because she wanted my vote.  haha!

Back to my room to dress for the gala.  Three outfits to choose from!

I met quite a few local people at the Gala on Saturday evening that identify as lesbian or gay. Although it’s considered to be a great party, many appeared to be there mostly to support the local trans community.  I found it very impressive that so many in the central PA LGBT really do support each other.  We spoke to several gays and lesbians in attendance and they were funny, sincere and just a pleasure to chat with.

SeleenaK20130316_205632sNow about that party.  Hors d’ovueres we’re everywhere and the cocktails were generous but not exceptionally pricey.  Dinner was very good (I had the pork ..lol).

But the speeches .. hmmm.  Another self-serving Keynote speaker .. this time it was Dr.Jillian Weiss, Professor of Law and Society at Ramapo College.  .. who basically  gave us yet another of those rah-rah pep talks about how the trans community is “one”.  Wishful thinking for the activists and those who are looking to advance the acceptance of those of us who have or will transition.  But I personally believe that majority of those in attendance didn’t fit into that category.  (Dr Weiss is currently on the  board of Lambda Legal .. an organization I respect a lot. )

Aside from the keynote address, the conference organizer spent much podium time thanking some vendors and those who provided financial support for the event but I would have much rather been able to applaud the individuals who’s hard work made the event possible.  I prefer to think of them as the heroes and heroines as opposed to  those who were there to generate revenue, regardless how generous they were.

So to those who worked so hard behind the scenes, please know that many of us think you’re awesome and are very appreciative.

On a personal note, I’d like to give a special shout-out to the following people for making my Keystone Conference so memorable:

Dianne
Jamie Ghee
Mariette
Amber
Kat
Alaina

In Summary

 

  • Value related to the cost:  Very good.  Lunches every day were great, the Gala dinner was very nice too.  Tickets to the Open Stage Theater were at no extra cost to us.  And although gambling, most dinners, all drinks and dancing in and around Harrisburg were, of course, our own responsibility, transportation to all events was provided.
  • The Venue:  Very good.  The Harrisburg Sheraton is a great hotel and every staff contact I had there was fabulous.  My room and room rate was better than expected;  the hotel property was modern and meticulously maintained.
  • The City:  Very good.  Who knew that Harrisburg, which is located in very conservative/fundamentalist/religious central Pennsylvania, could be  so welcoming?  Yet they were, to the point where I (the person) as opposed to I (the wallet) felt their kindness was sincere.
  • The Attendees:  Same old combination of attention whores, egomaniacs, party animals, shy newbies and seasoned veterans as one would expect at an event like this.  But all of us fall into one of those categories, I suppose.  I don’t know this for a fact but it did seem that the number of couples in attendance was higher than I would have expected.  Bravo spouses!
  • Dining:  Continental breakfast for me was included with my room since I  managed to get a room on the club (top) floor.  All conference-included luncheons at the Sheraton were very good.  For dinner, we had several choices each night and had the opportunity to book them when we registered.  We paid for our own dinners. The choices were very good; nice variety and several price ranges.  My dinner at the Casino/Racetrack was an example .. casual food in a somewhat elegant dining room overlooking the horse track

 

  • The Event:  Very good. I was a little concerned that the organizers might have found it difficult to manage the arrangements for a larger-than-usual crowd but no .. they was no indication that the 100-200 additional people caused any issues at all.  In my opinion, the organizers get an A+ for, well, organization. The seminar selection, in my opinion,was mediocre. There was less “fun and informative” and more “take things to the next level”.   One of the biggest issues for me, and this might seem trivial to most, was that they spelled my first name wrong on my name tag.  I learned long ago that the best way to make someone feel insignificant is to either forget or misspell their name.   And spelling mine “Selena” makes me much less easy to find in the online world.

Will I return to the Keystone Conference?  Quite possibly.  I really did have a great time but, as always, the fun comes from the socializing that goes on during and after the scheduled  events.

Just How Homophobic Are You?

SeleenaK_6708sI was reading a Canadian Press story this morning about a campaign by the government of Quebec to get residents thinking about homophobia.

The campaign includes a series of television commercials with a common theme.  The commercials, it seems, lead the viewer down a typical path expecting the “lovers”, who’s activities it chronicles, to be heterosexual,  and at the last second, the viewer sees that the relationship is “same sex”.  The ads ask the question “Just how open minded are you?” and ends with something like “Does this change what you were thinking 20 seconds ago?”.  The typical paradigm shift.

In both the gay and lesbian versions of the ad, same sex lovers are shown locked in a passionate kiss.

It surprises me that the complaints filed against the ad campaign have been negligible .. nine in total as of this writing, according to the Canadian Press.  Bravo Quebec!

The CP article also states “While 78 per cent said they were comfortable with gays and lesbians, the number dropped to 45 per cent in the case of transgender people.”

Although the percentages are quite different, frankly I’m surprised, and feel quite optimistic, at how high the acceptance of trans* people is.

The only thing about the campaign, and the government website survey that accumulate this data, that get’s under my skin a little is that a reasonable person could feel an implication that transgenderism goes hand-in-hand with homosexuality .. and that assumption isn’t exactly accurate. There is little or no connection between sexual orientation and gender orientation.

I’ll be looking for the ads to appear on the video sharing sites since they’re only being aired in Quebec, and only until the end of the month.

My personal experiences in Quebec haven’t been exactly heartwarming .. regardless of which gender I’m presenting.  So I’ve avoided going there for some time now.  Ironically, it appeared that my inability to speak French was much more offensive than my presentation or perceived sexual orientation.

To read the entire Canadian Press article on the Montreal Gazette website, click here. (unfortunately the article is no longer available)

Cherish the Indifference

stockingfoot_640x220_6450

There is an old expression that goes like this: “pull a string and it follows you everywhere; push a string and it goes nowhere at all”. 

To pull is to lead.  To push is to force.  I think this applies to what’s been happening in the US since 2008 .. and it worries me lots.

In any civilized society, there are always some who take an extreme stance on many social issues, and there are those who are mostly indifferent.  The majority usually falls in the socially-indifferent category.  It’s often the “I don’t really like it but live-and-let-live” mindset.  Like a pendulum, they don’t spend much of their time at the ends of the swing but instead live their lives between the far left and right extreme.  I think of them as the indifferent.

There is little danger within this group.  They live their lives within their beliefs and they give the much needed balance to society.

I’ve learned, from my extensive experience in the US, it was because of this balance that both extremes, the ultra-liberal and super conservative, were able to co-exist.  Then something happened.  And it happened during the campaigns for a new president.  The average liberal .. not the extremist liberal but the average good intentioned liberal, who had always been easy-going, suddenly lost their tolerance for those of a more conservative point of view.  It was like the gang mentality that causes things to sometimes get out of control at protests, but in this case, social media was the arena.

SeleenaK_7160s_cropThey got mean, intolerant and judgmental.  Even more judgmental that those on the opposite end of the spectrum.   It was as if they believed that their candidate for president would given them the social power to rid the planet of the conservative mindset forever.

And since the day he was elected, the hatred spewing from the left side has continued .. even escalated.  The attacks were not against the ideology;  they were attacks against the people.  The right attacked concepts while the left attacked people.

A law of physics says that the more you pull the pendulum in one direction, the farther it will go in the other direction.  And this is obvious in the birth of the Tea Party and the strengthening of the fundamentalist Christian groups at the far extreme of the pendulum’s travel.

And for someone like me, it’s scary.  I’ve traveled the US lots, from liberal area to liberal area and spent time in some of the most conservative areas along the way.    And until now, I’ve never felt at risk.  Those who didn’t understand viewed us as sickos, nut cases, twisted individuals.  Most looked upon us with pity, which sounds sad, I know, but it was non-confrontational.  It was safe.  But now, people like me are viewed as a flag bearer for extreme liberalism.  The same liberalism that attacked their fundamental beliefs, attacked them as Americans, attacked them as human beings.

I’ve learned that nothing brings out unpredictable, confrontational behavior in an American than being told they are un-American.  And the left has told the 47.2% on the right, in no uncertain terms, that they are, in fact, unworthy Americans.

So an election, and more importantly, a re-election has caused almost everyone there to choose a side.  And now the pendulum seems to be spending most of it’s time at the extreme ends of it’s travel.  This violates the laws of physics .. the laws of balance.

People have become less and less indifferent.  You’re either with me, or you’re a monster .. a poster child for everything “wrong” with society.

And this is hurtful to those of us who know the dangers of hiding behind “rights”, who realize that acceptance comes through one personal interaction at a time and  are content living under the radar.

Most of the world understands this but Americans just don’t seem to get it.  They’re unable to look beyond their borders .. beyond their perception of their culture, which has been split down the middle by the axe of liberalism.

When in the USA, indifference was my best friend.  It kept me safe and I miss it dearly.

Fashion versus Fetish

SeleenaK_9927sAs an observer of fashion over the years, I’ve come to a conclusion.  Sure, this may be a well-known fact to others but for me, it’s a new concept .. and the implications are scary.

I’ve come to the conclusion that today’s fashion is tomorrow’s fetish.  This is likely common knowledge to many but a revelation to me.  I’m not sure if this can be an all-encompassing statement about human behaviour and sexual perversity but we, as pervy humans, tend to fetishize things that had a sexual impact on our development, often at a very young age.

Guys and T-girls seem most likely to acquire a life long fetish but it certainly happens to women too.

The dictionary defines a fetish as a sexual attraction to an inanimate object.  Although I certainly shouldn’t question Webster, that definition conjures up images of a lonely perv whacking to a pair of women’s panties that mysteriously moved from her laundry basket to his at the Laundromat.

My definition is somewhat looser than that.  I tend to think of a fetish as an attraction to anything that consistently conjures up feelings of eroticism in an individual, that is not already part of the male or female anatomy.  Feet, seamed stockings and high heels are common fetish items.  Big red clown noses are a little less common <grins>.

And fetishes are best appeased only occasionally, to allow us all to get on with life.  Let’s face it, if your fetish was big red clown noses and everyone on the street wore them, you wouldn’t get a lot done.

Therein lies the sadness to my observation, and you just know this is leading to a discussion of legs since I’m obviously a leg girl.

It seems that when seamed stockings were everyday wear for most women, little emphasis was placed on them sexually .. that came later.  After the disco years, when spandex “everything” went out of style (thank god), an increased fetish interest in “all things spandex” started to appear.  And now that pantyhose have vanished from everyday life, the pantyhose fetish crowd is growing .. and I can personally make this observation because I’m seeing an increasing number of requests for pantyhose pics on my site.  Even Lady Gaga is careful to show the reinforced part of her pantyhose on stage to leave no doubt that she’s wearing them.

So, where does that leave us going forward?  Bare legs, in my opinion, don’t qualify as a fetish since they’re part of the anatomy.  Does the casual comfort-based look women have chosen leave the next generation of fetishists with a choice of cotton sweats, denim or microfiber?  And regarding women’s footwear .. flip flops, track shoes, fluffy slippers?

Maybe schoolgirl skirts and knee-high socks will continue their popularity but the symbolism of that outfit is .. well, you know .. a little twisted when the admirer is older and might be more about role-play than fetish.

So I’m calling on the fine hosiery manufacturers of the world .. Hanes, Wolford, Legs, etc .. to do something .. anything .. to revive their industry.

If not in the interest of corporate profits, think of the next generation of fetishy pervs.  Because if a marketing response to the downward trend doesn’t happen soon from you, I’m going to start wearing a big red clown nose.

(originally published in my blog October 29, 2009)

StockingStore Short Strap GarterBelt

shortstrapgarterbelt2012-02-26-02.08Those of us who prefer to wear our nylons “butt high” can rejoice.  Stocking Store has just the garter belt for us!

At the recommendation of my friend Eric, I ordered a black and a white 8-strap garter belt from Stocking Store.  Satin, adjustable waist, adjustable garter straps, metal clasps .. perfect .. and when they arrived I was pleased to find that the garter straps are very short.  Yes, there is some adjustment in the strap length but the shorter the strap, the less adjustment possible.

I do have some skirts that are still too short for stockings but these garter belts hold my size long or size opera stockings firmly in place.  No more removing, shortening and re-sewing the garter straps on brand new garter belts!

I’ve worn and washed (hand wash, of course) mine many, many times and they still look new.  Made in the USA and at $39.95, a good value, in my opinion.

The strap configuration is not exactly symmetrical. The front, front side and rear side straps are an equal distance apart but the very back strap is quite close to the rear side strap.  If I could say anything even slightly negative about this garter belt, it would be that the rear strap is a little too forward.  It’s not easy to get the garter tab into the keyhole of a pair of fully fashioned nylons but this is mostly an aesthetic thing,  and something only a stocking connoisseur would notice.  But they do manage to keep everything nice and straight and are not prone to the dreaded seam-twist-to-the-outside.

Product number is #VB204S

You can find them here:  http://www.stockingstore.com/Short-8-Strap-Garter-Belt-p/vb204s.htm

The Magic of High Heels

BalletBootsSilhouette_2295

Yes, it’s no secret to women of grace and style. We can’t adorn our bodies with anything that has greater significance.   They’re a sign of affluence, fashion sense, power and sexuality.

High heels have been the defining wardrobe accessory for centuries.  There’s evidence on ancient Egyptian murals that heels have been with us since 3500 BC.  And they’re not leaving us any time soon.

“Nothing has been invented yet that will do a better job than high heels at making a good pair of legs look great, or great ones look fabulous.”
– shoe designer Stuart Weitzman –

But what’s considered high?  That has changed over the centuries.  Today, according to women’s shoe manufacturers like Gucci and Jimmy Choo,  today’s high heels are anything over 3.5 inches (8.9cm).  Most regular high heel wearers would agree with that definition, while those who rarely wear heels might consider a two or three inch heel to be high.

There has been a lot written in the last 20 years about the health concerns related to long term high heel wear but I think I understand the real story behind the alarm.  Allow me to give my opinion, which may differ from the others out there, and will definitely differ from the medical professional-turned media personality.

Let’s look back to the 1940’s and 1950’s.  High heel wear was quite common  among almost every demographic and occupation.  Stay-at-home mom’s wore heels to church, shopping as well as any event that required even a slightly dressy look.  Flight attendants, office workers, school teachers, almost every women in the public eye wore heels.  Yet there is no clear indication today that mature high heel wearers  from that era suffer more foot anomalies than women born before or after them, or even non high heel wears from the same era.  The warnings we hear from Podiatrists always make reference to today’s styles, today’s quality, today’s construction .. and in my opinion, that’s where the problem lies.  Not with high heels, per se.

“Yeah, but I do it backwards and in heels!” – Ginger Rogers –

 

Does it fit?

For those old enough to remember, feet were carefully measured in shoe stores to 220px-Brannock_uspat1725334-fig1determine accurate length and width, and only then was the correct size determined. Shoe store staff used something called a Brannock device for this purpose. And even if you shopped at the same store regularly, they would always (re)determine your size before allowing you to try on new shoes.  Foot dimensions do change, usually related to health issues, the aging process etc.

It was not unusual for a shoe store to have to order less common shoe widths for customers who needed a narrow or wider shoe.  But when you eventually left the store with a new pair of heels, you knew they fit you well.

Quality

Back in the high heel heyday, it was almost impossible to purchase heels that weren’t made of leather.  Leather was then, and is now, the best material for footwear of any kind.  But in those days, the quality of shoe leather was substantially better than anything available today at a modest price point.   It took a little while to “break in” a new pair of heels but as we wore them, the shoe contoured itself to our feet to some degree.  Today’s polyurethane heels only lose strength and rigidity with wear.

My Thoughts

So, in summary, I’m not so quick to believe that simply elevating the heel causes damage to our feet.  Other factors, as I mentioned above, certainly have a role.  I only wish the nay-Sayers would provide a little more detail to their analysis instead of simply painting all types and quality of heel with the same brush.

Consider not worrying so much about the height of your heels  but instead buy the best quality shoe you can afford.  Let me repeat that in different terms. When looking at a new pair of heels, let their construction beyour biggest health concern .. not the height of the heels.  Yes, the man-made $30 stilettos can be tempting,  If you just can’t resist them, wear them in moderation, but do own a couple pairs of versatile quality heels.

“It is all very well for so-called sensible people to recommend flat heels and short skirts, but most of us prefer not to be sensible.” – Anna Held, Polish-born stage performer

And to the other t-girls like me out there, we’re in a bit of a dilemma these days.  High heels do wonders for the shape of our legs and make our feet appear noticeably smaller simply because they use less “real state” .. toe to heel length shrinks as the heel height increases.  They also adjust our posture in a very positive way. But many of us don’t wear them because the “average woman” does not.

I’ll leave a discussion of current women’s style (or lack thereof) for another discussion but since people in general, and women in particular, are getting taller in stature as the years go by, adding a few inches to our height doesn’t always make us the tallest girl in the room.  The smaller steps we take when wearing heels is quite flattering and if we learn how to walk properly in heels, the fact that we’re wearing them isn’t all that obvious.  But enter a room teetering, stiff-legged and everyone knows you’re not what you appear to be.

“You put high heels on and you change.” – Manolo Blahnik –

There’s no other accessory that can do so much for our overall look.  A pair of stilettos instantly dresses up a pair of jeans,  is the finishing touch on your most glamorous outfit, adds a professional, successful air to your business suits and helps you to appear as confident as you are.   And the “click click click” when you enter a room tells everyone that you mean business.

Be safe, be sane and enjoy your heels!

(the preceding comments are my opinions only and are not intended to replace sound medical advice.  I’m not a doctor, and I don’t play one on TV, although I have been known to wear a nurse’s uniform in the bedroom)

Update: 03/25/13

I just found a wonderful podiatrist who understands the need to wear heels and has suggestions to minimize the long term risks.  Dr Emily Splichal’s Catwalk Confidence and Stiletto Recovery Program is worth looking into if you’re as high heel obsessed as I am.  You can find her at Midtown Podiatry in New York City or on her Catwalk Confidence website.  Lots of good information there!

Here’s a short video clip from an appearance on Oprah where she discusses and illustrates how to walk in heels.

additional information:

Staying “Real” in the Social Media Age

stockingfoot_640x480_6450I’ve been thinking about opening up a special type of membership to those who might be interested in supporting my website.  It might be something like $5 per month or less and, although paying members would see the same content as those who enjoy the site for free, I would be also be available for one-to-one text chat too.

As Yogi Berra once said, and I paraphrase, “You can observe a lot by just watching” (teehee!) and I’ve done this … for many, many years.  And have seen the evolution of the online world.

SeleenaK_X6449Since the social media and “sharing” sites have gained prominence, the internet has become a place where we’re desensitized to imagery.  Follow me on any of the social networking sites and you’ll see that my work often appears along side images of the most gorgeous models at their peak, and photographed by the most talented photographers ever.  Both my appearance and my photographic abilities shouldn’t put me on the same planet as them, let alone in the same timeline.  I know this.

So is there anything I can still offer?   Blogging is an option but I don’t really write that well.  Most blogs include photos “borrowed” from the web and I just won’t do that.

What I just might have going for me is that I’m real, I’m here and I’m now.  Marylin Monroe, Betty Page and Jane Russell are not. Irving Claw, Richard Avedon and Francesco Scavullo are gone too, and that hot, hung she-male’s photo you’re lusting after is likely many years old, and she probably stopped doing work like that long ago due to the exploitation in the genre.  And if you could find her, she probably doesn’t speak the same language as you anyway. teehee!

Mass online image sharing has greatly lessened my ability to grab a tiny sliver of the pie.  But I’m here, in the flesh, and I have the energy to interact with you.  And I can and will chat with you on just about any topic.  And your contribution would help take my site forward and would allow me even more ways of interacting with you.

Please comment here or message me directly with your thoughts on this. bimbo at seleenak dot com

I’m Back!

ComputerTime_0123Well, I never really left. I’ve never been a deny-and-purge kinda girl. And although it might have appeared that I was neglecting my website, hardly a day went by without me thinking about it, it’s future, my online future. This is unrealistically important to me and I agonize of over it. It might be the only thing in my whole life that I agonize over these days.

So when an offer appeared to help upgrade my site with the latest and greatest, I jumped at the chance. Thank you to Victoria for all her help! To see her business and more of her work, click on the “powered by” link at the bottom of any of my pages. And if you, or anyone you know, is looking for a content management system or even a general purpose website, please chat with her. You’ll be glad you did.

The main page with it’s fancy art gallery look is done. I’m adding a couple photo albums to my current gallery everyday and I’m bringing forward all my old blog entries.

I’m still not sure which photo gallery and blog module I’ll end up with but I thought it was important to get something out here as soon as possible.

Give me some more time to work things out. I think you’ll be happy with the end result!

The Wildside Girls, My New Garter Belts and My Friend Lola

My girlfriends from Wildside are all in Las Vegas right now and I just know they’re having an awesome time. My Kim, my ‘man in black’ and I got to watch them on webcam last night from the party suite. Everyone looked wonderful and I really wished I was there with them. But a very important commitment keeps me at home this year and I have no regrets in not going to Las Vegas. There’s always next year.

My new garter belts arrived and they’re nearly perfect. The waist fit is great and the garter straps are really really short. I just wish that the back garter strap was positioned a little differently. It doesn’t line up, straight as an arrow, with the back seam loop in my stockings. But I’m not complaining .. they’ll work just fine for me. I hope to show you what they look like soon.

I’d like to acknowledge a dear friend of mine on a huge accomplishment. Lola Lamour, from the gorgeous area south of San Francisco, is now a black belt in jiu-jitsu. It was almost 5 years of hard work and focus that got her there and I’m so proud of her. She’s like a ninja only way hotter 🙂 Not only gorgeous but lethal too 🙂 Congrats darlin’! Enjoy Las Vegas .. you deserve some chill time. Chill time in Las Vegas? Not a chance! But still … enjoy.

Website Update and Garter Belt Help

Well it’s time to start updating my site again. I hope to get back to posting some new work as well as some “Best of ..”. Hopefully you’ll find something of interest in the coming weeks.

An online friend (thanks Eric!) answered my plea for garter belts with short straps. Since I prefer to wear my stockings ‘butt-high’, I’ve been forced to cut and resew the straps on new garter belts. Hopefully this is a thing of the past. Two new ultra-short strap garter belts arrived today from stockingstore.com .. one black and one white. I’ll try them soon and hopefully they’ll be perfect for me. I’ll let you know.

Happy Easter to those of you who celebrate it!

Website Changes and Clippette

As you might have noticed, I’ve rewritten my website. Not too much has changed really but I think you’ll agree that the site looks a little more professional and is a bit more “click friendly’. It also should scale a little better on different screen sizes and on handheld devices.

The only page that didn’t make it over to this new world is my Friends page. It was always the least viewed page on my site and most of the photos were becoming outdated. I may bring the page back at some point .. not sure.

The only other noticeable changes here are to my Photo and Video Galleries. I’ve decided to use Adobe Flash for my photos since it lets me show them to you in a larger size and a better resolution and yet protects me a little by not giving you the ability to save them to your computer quite so easily. I’m not sure if Apple still has a problem with Flash, but if so, “i-devices” will be out of luck.

Sure, some of you will still find a way to steal and redistribute my images but please know that my involvement on the Clippette site now gives my work documented “revenue potential” so the cost of image theft and redistribution has dramatically increased if you get caught.

I also now have the ability to host video clips right here on my site. Not sure how much of that I’ll do going forward but it gives me the ability to present the type of content that YouTube doesn’t allow. Hey! Stop smiling, you perv! 🙂

For the time being my Photo Gallery will be a combination of new and previously-presented content but my video updates will be all new stuff. Things that are destined for my Clippette store will still appear here on my site, but only as a teaser.

So expect my Friday updates to resume at some point in time and my blog entries to happen occasionally.

Let me know how you like the new look and feel of my site. And if you make it over to Clippette, spending 3 or 4 dollars won’t kill ya. It’s a small compensation for those who work so hard to entertain you .. usually at great personal expense.

Speaking of my Clippette store, I’m planning something a little personal for those of you who are kind enough to make a purchase if I can work out the logistics.

More to come in the near future.

Clippette Status Update and Image Theft

I thought I’D check in with you to let you know how things are going for me these days.

First off, my Clippette experiment is pretty much going as I thought it would. After an initial flurry of sales, things have levelled off lots. The only thing that surprised me is that the Clippette site appears to be evolving into a mostly femme domme site. So in that arena, I’m happy to get the attention I’m getting.

Aside from that, I’ve been staying busy. I can eventually share some of the work I’ve been doing lately, and some I can’t share. But it’s been fun and challenging for me.

As expected, my site traffic here has dropped off considerably since I stopped doing weekly updates. But for those of you who still visit, I’m excited to tell you that I’ve been rewriting my site.

The content will be pretty much the same but the look and feel will be slightly different and it will appear lots more professional. The site you’re familiar with is the very first site I ever built and isn’t really representative of my current abilities.

I’ve been bothered lots lately by image theft, personally and on the internet in general, so I still haven’t decided whether to show you large high resolution un-watermarked images or not. I’d absolutely love to but need to continue to weigh the pros and cons. Although I’ve tried to shrug it off, internet image theft and the feeling of entitlement shared by so many continues to bug me. Eventually I’ll learn to go with the flow but I’m not ready just yet.

I take a lot of care doing my photos and videos and pay close attention to detail. I’d really like for you to see what I’ve done without having to strain your eyes or look through a copyright watermark.

I’ll give you more information soon!

No Longer Accepting Gifts

The mailing address previously listed on my Gift page is no longer valid. I ran into a situation there just before Christmas where I was led to believe there was a parcel waiting for me but on my arrival it was nowhere to be found. I wasn’t waiting for a personal order so I can only assume it was from one of you. Or maybe it was just a mistake on their end.

Having something go missing is not as much of an issue as not knowing who might have sent it. Needless to say our conversation didn’t go well and I promised that I would not renew there. So time has run out.

If you’ve saved this address, please delete it. I’ll provide another one closer to home (right here in the city) when it becomes available.

My wishlists are all turned off and I’m not accepting gifts these days so hopefully this will not be an issue.

But thank you, thank you, thank you to those of you who were kind enough to send my gifts recently!

Clippette Status Update

Well, about 10 days have gone by since Clippette opened it’s cyber-doors and I moved some content there, and I’m thrilled with the response. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

Oh sure, I knew that Clippette would catch on but what surprised me is the response my photos are getting. I’ve always believed that in the “pay for anything online” industry, the traffic a t-girl should expect is between 8 and 10% of the traffic a female receives, assuming the quality is the same or comparable. And I appear to be tracking on the high side of those numbers. And this is compared to some world class females there like Tina Grant. Woohoo!

Now I realize this is not a reflection on my in-the-flesh appearance but on my photos .. and that’s where my passion lies.

The thing about the digital download sales gig that I’m having to adjust to is the nameless, faceless nature of the transaction. You see, I know what was purchased but I don’t know who purchased it. And I’d really like to express my appreciation but am unable to. The site has strict privacy policies to protect your identity.

So if you’re one of the awesome people who has bought from my Clippette store, please drop me a quick email either from here or from the email link in my Clippette store.. Please tell me what you bought and when. A huge thank you to those who have done this!

I’ve never been a “show me da money!” person but I do feel there’s something very flattering and even somewhat intimate happening when someone likes what they see enough to get out their credit card. And it sure weeds out those who toss compliments around a little too freely. hehe!

And right now, this is the best way to get my attention. Gawd, I can’t believe I said that!

But my conscience is telling me that my stuff is priced a little high so I think I’ll reduce prices a little today even though my views-to-sales ratio disagrees with my conscience.

Could my first pair of Louboutin stilettos be in my future? Maybe!

Side note: A funny thing happened to me on one of the social networking sites. I got a complimentary message there from someone asking if I’d be their “friend”. “I’d be happy to! Please feel free to invite me” was my reply, to which this person answered, and I paraphrase, “I can’t right now. I’ve been banned from sending invitations for a while because they think I’ve sent too many invites in a short period of time”.

Wow, talk about making a girl feel special! 🙂

Introducing Clippette!

Recently, my friends Lisa Norman and Nick Danger asked me to be a part of a venture they’ve been working on. I was flattered, honored and excited to be even a small part of their project.

Both Lisa, the famous Stocking Vixen, and Nick have been fetish bloggers for years and are also the owners of Backseam Enterprises, which owns MyBackseam.com, a site that I’ve been a member of for quite some time. Wonderful people .. intelligent and sexy yet down to earth and with a superb eye for quality fetish content.

Sooooooo,

I’d like to introduce you to . Clippette is a group of digital download stores where you can browse and purchase video clips and high resolution photos. Market research says that this type of a la carte shopping is the wave of the future and is already bigger business than pay websites.

Lisa and Nick were able to coax Tina Grant, “one of the most downloaded women on the internet”, out of retirement to join them at Clippette as well as Tabitha, the “UK-based fetish and art noir model” from Tabitha’s Tower, and others too!

As many of you know, I’ve been looking for something to direct my energy towards and there is nothing in the world that I’d like to support more than Lisa and Nick, and Clippette.

Initially, I planned to just help test the new software, which I must say is very slick and with a great look and feel. But after putting lots of thought into it, I decided that I too would open a store there.

I’ll continue to put photos up on this site but won’t be updating weekly as I have in the past. I’ll update the content here with smaller photo albums whenever they’re ready and those of you who would prefer the high resolution versions of what you see here in larger albums, a quick trip to Clippette and they’re available to you!

This is a big step for me and I’m really looking forward to it! I’m really not expecting to sell a lot but those of you who have asked for larger versions of my photos will be able to get them at my Clippette store, if you choose to.

I’ll be adding most of the photo albums you’ve seen here over the years yo my Clippette store and will be shooting new content whenever I can. But I won’t be posting any more full length videos here or on my YouTube channel .. I’ll be putting them on Clippette but will likely add only a teaser here.

Also, as of right now, I don’t expect to be changing my content too much. I think I should leave the she-male porn to the younger hotties but who knows. I may experiment in that area a little but I still firmly believe that what you don’t see is usually much sexier than what you do see.

So to those of you who have been loyal visitors to my site over the years, thank you! But don’t leave me now. This site will remain active and I’ll post samples of anything I do in the future for you. I’ll also update my blog occasionally.

Wish me luck! And please, spread the word about Clippette .

Website Content Reduced – I’m Sorry

Well, it was time for a change. I’ve been doing this thingy for several years now and thoroughly enjoyed it but I’d like to try something different for a while.

As you may have noticed, the photo content here has been reduced dramatically, and you now have to look at me through a big copyright watermark. But I’m not disappearing totally and will be able to tell you about it next week.

Until then, stay hot!

 

Happy New Year 2011!

As the year draws to a close I thought I’d take a few moments to reflect .. cliché, I know.

It’s really been a “close but no cigar” year for me. My every day life has been wonderful although a little frustrating at times .. hehe!. And I continue to look for a friendship in the T-Girl community with someone who understands.

Mid way through the year I came to the conclusion that “being there” for anyone who needed me was taking it’s toll on me emotionally so I decided I needed to stop that. Of course those closest to me can always count on my undying support but I’ve been successful in not getting involved with other girls who need someone to talk to or someone to help them over the bumps that life throws at girls like us. It’s going against my nature to not help but it’s something I need to do.

SeleenaK_1000sI scared a few people on YouTube who can’t read (teehee!), provided support (the last time) for a few girls who needed that, bruised a huge ego irreparably, provided a little “jerkin’ material” for a few guys (at least), met just over 50 of my online girlfriends in person, renovated my studio and did a little traveling. Even had a little health issue that cleared itself totally prior to scheduled minor surgery. And our best friends from the desert came to visit. That was definitely a highlight of my year!

All in all, a great 2010.

In my “web bimbo” world, things are changing. I used to attract visitors who were simply appreciative of my efforts. The comments, compliments and occasional gift I received appeared to be from the heart and came with no strings. But there’s been a shift towards demands, expectations and the relentless pursuit of specific interests. And it’s wearing thin. Please .. ask once, twice maybe, then drop it. It’s not only about you! *giggling* Please know that  if the intent is to compliment, it’s having the reverse affect.

I think my photos have improved and that makes me feel great! I still wish I had some help doing “out and about” pics but for now I’ll continue to do what I can solo, and with the help of an occasional “guest photographer” whenever the opportunity presents itself.

I’m hoping to rewrite my website code this year to make it a little more friendly to all browsers as well as handhelds. It’s currently optimized for Internet Explorer and looks a little strange with some of the other browsers.

But the biggest change I’m considering is to move to a pay site format. I never thought I could get my heart around that concept but only doing things for others, and for free, is a (big) emotional and (small) financial drain on me. The content would be very inexpensive since it isn’t about the money at all. I just need the site to feel a little more give-and-take.

So, from everyone here at SeleenaK dot com (I always wanted to say that but there’s only Kim and I here .. hehe!), have a Happy New Year!

May 2011 be your very best year ever!

Holiday Prep

Well that was a crazy couple of weeks but I now have time to catch my breath and relax over the holidays.

Our houseguests are safely back in the desert and all my Christmas prep is done. Presents bought and wrapped, Casa Seleena is festively decorated, the fridge is full and the bar is well stocked. Bring on the holidays!

What’s gone on since my last update? Well, my website finally surpassed the 100,000 views plateau one week ago (Monday December 13th). It took a while to get here but you know my feelings; quality before quantity always!

Sara and Mark’s visit was wonderful! I may have a little video for you some time soon but sadly we were just too busy to do any still photos. I hate to admit it but my mind was not really on my site while they were here. I hope you understand.

My imposter is still “impostering” (hehe!) on Yahoo. I filed a complaint in hopes that Yahoo would see the obvious but it appears they need a sworn statement from me with details to support my claim. I’ll do this but I need to understand the action they will take. Simply shutting down a profile is not enough. I need them to block the ip address and file a complaint to the person’s internet service provider. Or provide me with the IP so that I can take care of things. Recent changes to legislation make this identity theft.

I’ve received some legal advice (free!) and know what I can and can’t do.

On another, more positive note, the solstice is here, the lunar eclipse was cool and the holidays are just days away. Where does the time go?

I hope to have some festive photos for you on Friday but I’d like to take a moment now to wish you all the best of the holiday season. Please take the time to tell someone close to you that they’re important to you, just like I’m about to do here.

Thank you all for being a part of my life. You really are important to me!

Merry Christmas. Eat too much! Drink too much! Hug too much!

A Visit From Our Friends

OMG! The gorgeous and extremely sexy Sensual Sara, formerly of sensualsara dot com, and her hubbie, the very dapper Mark, are coming to stay with Kim and me for a week. They arrive today.

They’re our best friends in the whole world and we know it will be a hot week here regardless how chilly it gets outside.

Don’t you wish she would get her website back online? I know I do.

If I’m really nice to Sara and Mark, it’s possible that they’ll help me with some photos or a video that I can share with you. And with any luck, my Kim will make an appearance too!

But with those two pairs of gorgeous legs in front of the camera, I’m wearing slacks!

What a way to close out the year!

Now .. on a less positive note, it appears there is an imposter on Yahoo pretending to be me. This person created a “Seleena K” profile on 06/16/10, claims to be female and has stolen and posted some photos from my website. They even went to the trouble of removing the copyright I add to all of my photos.

I’m certainly not female and my Yahoo profile has been around since 2005.

I’m pursuing this with Yahoo through their “Copyright and Intellectual Property Policy” and will take more serious action if the profile isn’t removed in the next couple days.

Please be aware that my Yahoo profile has been “hidden” between February 2010 and today, so any communication from Yahoo during that time did not come from me, except for those of you I IM with.

Some say that “imitation is the sincerest form of flattery” but flattery from an imposter and a thief is of little value. If you’ve run into this person on the web, please let me know.

Get a life, dude! and a big thanks to Navy Guy for bringing this to my attention.

Please don’t call me “dear”, dear!

“Yes dear” .. “No dear”.  I’ve been getting a lot of that lately from a few different girls.  Why does that rub me the wrong way?  I’m not sure but it does.

Is it a term of endearment or condescension?

I think it takes me back to a time in my life when teachers, neighbour’s mom’s or distant relatives spoke to me in a condescending way.

Many of the girls I interact with have had the feminine thing trapped inside for many years and are just now starting to deal with the world from that perspective.  Where do they go to learn how to behave and interact?  Well, the easiest place to go for this type of info is our own memory.

But that was then and this is now. If you’re intention is to talk down to me, please continue with the “dear” thing, but if you’re not, I’d love ya forever if you’d use something else.

beaudet_smallBefore I go, I need to comment on the airport security “pat down’s” and full body scanners that are in the news a lot these days. This type of screening is particularly troublesome for girls like me. I can only assume a real terrorist threat is imminent and feel that saving lives is more important than anonymous indiscretion. “But I have my rights Seleena!”.  Yes you do.  You have a right to stay home.  Because if an airline gets brought down, it might be my sorry ass  or yours that gets squished in the process.

But in my mind I can’t help but giggle at the thought of those poor people behind the scenes that have to look at an endless stream of naked-ish bodies.

With same-sex screening, I picture a male agent at one video screen and a female at the other as a group of trans-men and trans-girl travelers go through the scanners. She sees male “parts, he sees female “parts” and they bump into each other as they try desperately to switch workstations. hehe!

On a serious note, Happy Thanksgiving to all my friends in the USA.  Enjoy the turkey, and if you’re doing any Black Friday or Cyber Monday shopping, pick up a little something for your favourite web hottie. And if there’s a few cents left over, get something for me too. <winks>

Remembrance Day 2010

Today is known as Remembrance Day here in Canada. It’s a day to remember those who fought for our freedom.

On the 11th hour of the 11th day or the 11th month we observe a moment of silence.

I have two videos for you this year. Both came to me from my good friend, ET.

The first one is an all-Canadian musical tribute to our soldiers past and present. Like me, you might not be a country music fan but I think you’ll still like this one. Available in high definition and with a wonderful audio track, it’s a lot more upbeat than the video I shared with you last year.

The second video is a beautiful Vimy Ridge tribute from a group of Canadian high school students. Vimy ridge was the site of a battle during WW1 where many Canadians lost their lives.

And please .. take a moment of silence at 11:00 this morning to remember those who made the ultimate sacrifice, who fought to protect us or who continue to put themselves in harm’s way to preserve our freedom and the freedom of others.

My Website’s 3rd Anniversary

Yikes!  I just realized that I missed mentioning that SeleenaK dot com turned 3 years old just over a month ago.

I suppose it’s a meaningless milestone but to me it’s an accomplishment.  I really didn’t expect to still be here but your encouragement has kept me going.

I’ve considered making changes .. big changes .. several times but keep coming back to what seems to work for me and for you right now.

My wardrobe budget is still tight, and my search for a photographer to help me has brought some possibilities but nothing firm yet.  But ya know what?  I’ll continue doing what I’m doing as long as you keep coming back.

Doing this is important to me.  And I do it for you, and for me.

You Had To Be There

So a guy walks into a bar with his pet alligator. Oops! Wrong story.

I was out with friends recently. Some I had never met in person and a few that I hadn’t seen in a long time. And someone asked “So .. what’s new?”

Without hesitation, the cute one, who resembles Drew Barrymore, sitting right in the middle of us all spoke right up “Well, I have a pussy now!”

That was very, very funny Melan.  Congrats again on your surgery and thanks for sharing that with us *giggling*.

Any “news” the rest of us had to share seemed inconsequential after that. 🙂

Staying Close to Home

It seems that I’ve become a bit of a stay-at-home girl lately.  Not sure why but I’m guessing that either a psychiatrist or an astrologer could tell me.

No, I haven’t had a traumatic experience out there in the big, bad world of tranny haters.  I think my interests have just changed and “making the scene” is not so important to me right now.

I still have one girlfriend I visit occasionally and “JJ” still comes to visit me sometimes but other than that, hanging out here with Kim is where I’m most content.

SeleenaK_4790crI do find it interesting that people come into my life, stay a while and move on.  We remain emotionally close even if we don’t see each other often.  I think I satisfy some short term emotional need for some.  We talk .. I help.

Advice based on reality and compassion for those around us (who don’t really understand) appears to be my specialty.  I’ve never lost sight of the fact that “we” are the different one’s and that who we are, and what we do, is very much against most people’s comfort zones.  If we move through live with that in mind, we stay safe, are less hurtful to others and avoid a lot of personal pain and confrontation.

Sometimes others take my advice, sometimes they don’t but having heard my unique perspective maybe helps them in their decision-making.  And sometimes it’s just about having a non-judgmental listener.

I  can’t be greedy and expect anything to be forever but I just hope they are better off for having known me.  “Fly little birdie!  Fly!”

And then there’s you.  I know some of you are just passing through but some of you do come back .. and often.  My site stats show this.  No, I can’t see any of your personal information but I can see repeat visitor counts.

I do my best, both in my photos and in my writings, to help you to actually know me .. I think that’s important.  And ya know what? I think I know you too.

Not your name, what you look like or where you live.  No no no.  It’s something even more personal than those things.  It’s that thing deep down in your soul that draws you here.  I understand it.  I really do.  And it’s special.

Yep, there certainly are prettier, sexier girls in the cyber world (I’m not even going to mention “cock pics” .. hehe!) yet you come back.  Whether it’s for the overall style, the leggy looks, to get some advice or tips, or maybe even  for wanking material, you come back.

That makes me feel really good.  Thank you!

Feet

Either you love them or you hate them.  Well, I guess you could be indifferent to them too.  But there is a huge number of you, both men and women, who find feet terribly erotic.

SeleenaK_0343sPersonally, I do find them erotic, especially when clad in ultra-sheer nylon. To me, they are another very erogenous part of the body not to be ignored.  But over the years I’ve become quite adaptive in my preferences.

If feet are your thing, I’m in!  And maybe obsessively, because it’s all about pleasing your partner, isn’t it?

Have you ever been somewhere, out in public maybe, and noticed some freshly-pedicured toes and thought to yourself ‘how hot it would be to take them in your mouth, one at a time, and gently lick and suck each one?  I know I have.  And from some of the comments and requests I get here, I know many of you feel the same way.

This erotically flexible (or maybe confused) bimbo also loves to come at this from the other side.  Feeling your warm fingers and hot wet tongue massaging my feet and sucking my toes makes me wetter that a Navy Seal.

But the problem for me is that I’m a visual girl and I get quite frustrated with the appearance of my own feet and toes.  No matter how well the pedicure went or how much lotion I massage in, I still think they look like “tranny feet”.   I’ve included a couple recent photos here as “evidence” .. hehe!

“Sure I like to suck toes, but prefer to have my toes sucked.” ~ Madonna

Yes, there is genital surgery, facial surgery, breast augmentation, vocal chord surgery .. even a procedure to remove that lowest rib but to my knowledge there is no “fix” for tranny feet.

Now, I’m not a cosmetic surgery type of girl  and would likely be too afraid to risk any procedure that messes with those very important two things down there that allow me to wear heels with SeleenaK_0347svigor but it would be nice to  know that something exists for me to decline.  :-0

But to the rescue is YOU, faithful website visitor.  You seem to like my feet just the way they are!  And your comments are so sweet.

My favorite comment of all was one from a sweetie who was watching  one of my videos and emailed me to say “when you spread your nylon-clad toes, I gasped!” .

Why my emphasis on feet these days?  Karyn Lord, a gorgeous, sweet and very sexy genetic woman on my favorite nylon fetish website, openly shares her passion for feet in words and photos and frankly I’ve been caught up in her whirlwind.

So, let me know if you’d like to see more of this type of thing here on my site.  Leg shots are still the most popular request, follow by bondage photos and videos, but if the demand is higher, I’ll do my best to accommodate.

Some final notes:   I’ve been a bit reclusive lately.  It seems to be a summer time thing for me. When the weather is warm, the patio here at home is where I’m happiest.  I hope to be a little more “out there” in the coming months but we’ll see how it goes.

I hope to have some photos to share with you of my exploits.

MyBackseam.com

Nylon.  Of all the fabrics commonly used today, there might be none that invokes a deeper erotic feeling for so many of us. I know, along with latex, it does for me. And I assume it does for many of you too.

“I don’t go to church.  Kneeling bags my nylons” ~ Billy Wilder (Austrian-born American motion picture director and producer)

In all the time I’ve had this website, I’ve never ever got a comment from a visitor saying how much he or she would like to take my stockings off. And there hasn’t been a single request for bare legs photos. So I know you feel the way I do.

On this note I have something really exciting to share with you. Through a Twitter connection I found the most wonderful website. A haven for those of us who love nylon .. and legs, heels and lingerie for that matter.

SeleenaK_8683sxMyBackseam.com is a very new world with a very friendly user interface and a wonderfully classy look. But the really exciting thing about it is the people. Yes, I’ve joined many sites in my day but have never found a group like this one. And as time goes by and as content grows, this site will be
something you want to be a part of. And it’s not all about stockings. Pantyhose, garter belts, heels, girdles, toes are all there. There’s even a wonderful section where members post their own candid “nylon sightings” captured out in public.

Oh sure, there’s a lot of reposting photos from the internet but there’s also a lot of original content there too. And that realism makes it very exciting for me.

No, it’s not a t-girl site .. most of the people there are men and women .. but they’ve accepted me, and those like me, with open arms. The people are real, the dialog is very sexy yet intelligent, the photos are steamy yet classy and the blogs and stories are extremely hot yet professional.

Lisa and Nick are the site owners. Nick has an unsurpassed eye for finding nylon hotness in the world and Lisa is sweet, intelligent and oh so sexy.

And the best thing of all … the site is totally free, There’s no “this is the free part but if you pay you get this too” stuff. All totally free!

“No.  Better research needed.  Fire your research person.  No fishnet stockings.  Never.  Not in this band.”  ~ Gene Simmons

No … I have no commercial interest in promoting MyBackseam.com .. and you understand me well enough to know that it takes some pretty intense feelings for me to promote anything or anyone here but this is something I really feel strongly about.

So please, if nylon, legs, feet or heels are your thing, give MyBackseam a try. And please don’t just surf as a guest. Sign up. It only takes a minute.

And add me as a friend if you do. It’s become the place where I’m the most interactive and I’d love to chat and share thoughts and feelings with you there. As I begin to sunset my profiles on MySpace and Yahoo, this is likely where you’ll find me going forward and I look forward to seeing you there!