All Quiet Here

SeleenaK_20160131_125438sSorry I’ve been  so quiet lately.  But it appears that I have little to say if I’m not bitching about someone or something.

A close friend (I’m not sure if I should mention by name here or not) recently sent me a her “memoirs”.  The story of how her trans life began and how it progressed, and it was wonderful to read.

I had written something similar for an old version of my website but there’s really nothing here anymore to tell my story, and I think it’s more than a little unique.  Maybe I should go down that path.

Or more about this beautiful/ugly transgender community …. the one that I’ve stopped trying to fit into.

Or sex!  But that’s kinda hard to write about without making my darling or old playmates uncomfortable.

I’ll put some serious thought into blog topics while trying my best to avoid religion and politics, but in the meantime, if you can think of something I should babble about, please email me at the address on my Contact page.

13 thoughts on “All Quiet Here”

  1. Hi Seleena,
    As you touched on the subject briefly I have to take the oportunity when it is given. You mention the beautiful/ ugly trans community so I would like to start with the ugly.
    One of my beefs is the clothing, generally sold by the so-called trans support stores. It is invariably trashy. The implication being that trans girls are trashy and they are feeding that market. Well maybe we are and they are doing a good job. The other side of this coin is the way a large number of trans girls dress while they are on public display in some form or another dress so slutty they are vulgar in the worst way. I don’t want to see another male asshole or penis being flaunted as if the one being shown is somehow unique in the world. I don’t care what or who you play with or at but don’t do it in public forums where the whole world can see you.
    On the other hand trans girls can be beautiful. In our own way we are all beautiful and corageous. There have been a lot of sacrfices made and they continue to be made to move the trans trans-comumity forward. So put on a nice dress, Wal Mart is OK. Do a nice, reasonably careful and tasteful job with your makeup. Join a friend , male of female and go out to dinner at a nice restaurant. Earn some respect. You probably won’t even get noticed. Then when you re finished dinner go home and put on your slutty clothes and do your thing. You willl have had a great evening.

    1. Well said Pauline! I agree with your thoughts totally but don’t know how to comment. Although I’ve always been careful to know look trashy, it appears that looking “nice” is not good either, according to our dowdy looking peers.

      And I do think the majority of “us” are only into a trashy look and that the trans stores are hitting the bullseye. While this might not be true within our circle of friends, I’m convinced that it’s huge.

      Thank you for commenting!

  2. Hello, my sweet Seleena! Hi, Pauline!
    A couple of comments……I am all for a memoir! I love to hear people’s stories……
    And although it may be imprudent, I ALSO love to hear people’s stories that include …! So, once again, if you can pull it off without making anyone in your life feel uncomfortable, Seleena, I’m all for a good story…one to snuggle up to a warm fire and read on a cold winter’s night…..:)
    As for the clothing dilemna: I myself tend to dress a little conservatively – though at times I love to “get my bimbo on”….! But, here’s my take on the trans sites selling such clothing.. If our community at large wanted to buy more conservative clothes….the web retailers would sell it. I think the reason they sell such trashy sshhtuff….is because we (as a group) buy it!
    Personally, I like to add to my en femme wardrobe by shopping in the same places genetic girls do. But that’s me. If folks along their journey want to dress differently….I would hope there’s room in our community, and in the greater world community, for just that very thing. Let’s face it, life as a t-girl is hard enough without getting criticized by those who live in our same circle!
    I do agree, Pauline, that those of us who are willing to make others uncomfortable by lewd dress or worse, lewd behavior, are a poor example of not only our group but humanity in general. Life seems too short for that….why not search for common ground as opposed to pushing for “our right” to behave rudely?
    In the meantime, I hope we all get a chance to “present” exactly as we want to…knowing that as time goes by, that outside appearance may change as we grow on the inside. Big hugs to all!!!

    1. Dea .. hi baby! I agree that sellers sell what buyers buy .. and a large percentage of trans folk like slutty clothes.

      I shop in the same places as genetic women too but do understand that some of us have have style preferences or size requirements that take them to “dresser” shops, and that’s cool.

      Lewd behavior is rarely tolerated in the trans world, but from my experience, rude behavior towards others in the trans world is considered by most to be quite acceptable. I had recent experience in this area and although some of those who saw it happening expressed a degree of compassion, every single person who witnessed the ugliness made excuses for the behavior of the perpetrators.

      But enough of that! So you think I should share sexy stories, huh? Non-fiction might work but when I tried erotic kink/trans fiction on this site several years ago, it didn’t do very well.

      Big hugs back at ya, and hopefully a hug in person in a couple weeks!

  3. This little lot brings me to another thought that keeps cropping up in my mind. Maybe I am being too retropsective but I can’t get rid of it entirely.
    Just how real a trans person am I and a lot of others for that matter. A lot of us have wives and in most cases, when they go out to the store or other such activity, they apply a little make up and dress in a casual comfortable manner grab their purse and go. The point I am trying to make is that a woman does not need a lot of effort to get ready to go out whereas with us males we really have to work at it because we tell ourselves its the proper thing to do. One also gets the impression that a large number of Ts, if they go out at all, dress in a slutty and tarty manner. They also wear a lot of provocative lingerie when they are not out as they think this is very female. Again wives don’t do this on a regular basis as they have nothing to prove. Speaking for myself, my wife feels she has married two people and she loves them both. So to be fair to her we compromise. I dress for a set number of days and its the male me for a similar number of days. This works quite well but when its a Pauline day, unless we are going out, I try and dress in a casual manner. This includes some makeup, some jewellry and casual but not scruffy clothing. I am told I still over do it but I have to dress in such a manner so that I feel like a woman. This is where I come off the rails because I have difficulty rationalizing my thoughs. I have a friend who has no prpblem being in a female mode all the time. The only reason she goes drab is if what she is doing inside or outside of her home due to external conventions she can’t dress en-femme. She is quite comfortable in her female personna. This is what we should all be woking towards but it is not easy and spending 60% of your female life paradeing slutty lingerie will not cut it.
    if someone can sort this out please let me know as i am not sure any more.

    1. No easy answer to this one, I’m afraid Pauline.

      But in my opinion, those who go out dressed slutty are no less trans than those who dress down. Genetic women who dress slutty in public are still women. To me, trans is a mindset, and it doesn’t matter what we wear, if we’re married or not, if we’re full time or not, of how much of our lives we spend in girl mode.

      Where things get uncomfortable is when someone in a social gathering is overdressed or underdressed. But this also applied to genetic women. Those who dress up tend to have friends who also dress up. And those who dress down are most comfortable with others who dress down.

      You say that “males we really have to work at it because we tell ourselves its the proper thing to do”. I disagree, We have to work at it because we have the skin, bone structure, proportions and hair of a male. And when we stop seeing that reality, we become a very scary looking person that might be able to fly under the radar in public until someone really looks at them. Then things sometimes get ugly and feelings get hurt, or worse.

      In my opinion, we NEED makeup, nail polish, lipstick and feminine clothing because without it, we look more like dudes. Going out with a spouse or female friend when we’re dressed up and they’re dressed down is quite uncomfortable. A compassionate lady would dress up a little when in public with her trans spouse instead of expecting that trans person to dress down (and look like a guy in the process).

      If I’m full of shit on this, please tell me.

  4. Hi girls!
    I know what you mean, Pauline – sometimes I wonder how well I’m “sorting it all out”….there certainly is a level of mind-game that we play with ourselves, isn’t there? I think, in general, that there’s a pretty wide variation in how we as individuals approach these things – not to even mention the diverse views of society as a whole….sometimes it seems a bit overwhelming! 🙂
    I know for me, I used to get caught up with other’s expectations (truthfully, sometimes I still do…). I really do believe, however, that if you have a lifestyle that you have worked out, that suits your own personality, happiness quotient, and significant other’s satisfaction, you’ve won the prize! It certainly sounds like you and your lovely wife have worked out a lot of the details so that they fit you. All in all – that’s a pretty big deal. I see so many in the CD-trans spectrum who are confused, unhappy, unloved and unloving…. it can be sad. I am so very grateful that there are those of us who can manage what we do and have the support and encouragement of spouses and friends.
    Of course that doesn’t mean you won’t have some feelings about what others do, LOL…it reminds me of this past weekend. My bride and I were at an event that included hundreds. We both worked hard on our appearance (as always, I guess – I tend to have the same opinion as Seleena above in the lipstick paragraph). But we found ourselves being a little critical of other’s appearance. There were trans and fetish people at the event, and we both found ourselves saying….”you know…they could have tried a little harder”….. After a bit, we both realized what we were doing, and had to laugh at ourselves. So the leather-corseted GG with camo leggings and worn out Uggs, or the CD with the five o’clock shadow and smeared pink lipstick may not present in public as I would – no big deal. I’m guessing Rue Paul and her drag racers (!) would probably smirk at MY sense of style…:)
    Anyways…. far too many words from me…big hugs to both of you!! ~ Dea

    1. Dea, thank you so much for waking me up. Pauline’s last comment was all about how SHE FEELS, and I almost totally ignored that in my reply. Your comment is eloquent and right on, sweet chick.

      Pauline, I share all of your feelings, some to a greater degree and some less, and keep reminding myself that it’s human nature to question both ourselves and those around us. But when I think of you, I really believe you’re living the dream that so many others strive for. And if you feel negativity from any trans person, it’s almost certainly jealousy-based.

      I just think it’s in our best interest to surround ourselves with people who like us just the way we are and let the others go.

      Whether we can throw on some lipstick, grab the purse and go or not depends on what our expectations are when we’re out there. You can do it .. I can not. Probably due to my insecurities, I feel the need to look the best I can (in my mind, at least) under some silly premise that trying to look less “ugly” will spare me some humiliation from mean or uninformed people .. but I know it won’t. I just end up looking like a caricature of womanhood.

  5. Well here goes two cents from a rookie. I love to dress femme but not sure where I would even begin to classify myself on the CD-Trans-scale. I guess I look at myself as a male who loves to portray a woman at times and enjoys those feelings. I do not wish to change my gender, but then again I do love the thought of being a woman for a day.

    So you could say I am less trans than most but then again more trans than the normal guys. It has taken me years to at least accept myself as a CD and that this is just part of my DNA. We are all unique in some sort of way, just like the snowflakes in winter and at some point in time my little snowflake will melt and the memories of my presence will fade. In the meantime, I have come to appreciate those times when I do get to express my portrayal of a man trying to be a woman. I would not go so far as to label myself passable or to truly understand women, but I do admire and appreciate them and in my mind I try to emulate as best I can.

    From a dressing standpoint behind closed doors I probably do dress trashy probably out of sexual fantasies that when squinting in the mirror perhaps I see a sexy female image (squinting very hard indeed). However, as I have progressed I am trying to dress more fashionable yet sexy. I have my own thoughts…thinking perhaps the trashy wear sells because a majority will never step beyond the threshold of their property. Thus many stay behind closed doors and live out fantasy images which tend to be slutty. I know that at times I do crave what I perceive as the image of power that women can portray when dressed up nicely and sexy. So there is that closet factor and the sex factor mixed in, which might lead to many a sale in that area.

    Now in my mind, if I ever were to go outside my threshold and try to present in public, then I would rather present as naturally as possible to blend in and perhaps be semi-passable (a story for a different time on how I would love to be passable for a weekend). I would not be dressing trashy unless I was going to some sort of convention that promoted slutty attire…laughing. In other words, I would be looking for an event or outing that would let me dress up nicely yet sexy as a woman because that is not something I get to do in my normal male mode. I would not be seeking a casual setting as in my male mode I am too often casual, so that holds no thrill for me. In the context of going out I would want to shop at traditional women’s clothing stores to be closer to authentic rather than buy from a trans-inspired store. But those are just my personal desires and tastes, which I guess is why we are all unique.

    Regarding making comments…I think it is just human nature to enjoy the sport of people watching. I realize that while looking I should not be casting any stones as my glass house is full of rather funny images that others would also comment upon rather negatively. I do not know how you get a society to just look but keep their snide comments to themselves. Perhaps we all need to be sent back to kindergarten to learn how to share and get along with others once again.

    It feels like I have been rambling and may have not really contributed to this thread, so I shall stop and at least say thanks for reading. . . . Jaime

    1. Thanks every one, Its been a grreat discussion. I am a little overawed at the moment so I am going to give the whole thing some serious thought away from the ‘madding crowd’. If I ever sort it out for myself I will get back to you all.
      Thanks again,

    2. Hi Jaime,

      We sure are all unique but I think there are more similarities in the way we approach this that many care to admit. And yes, it seems we’re all in agreement that the trash-wear stores thrive because there’s a market for it.

      “Less trans than most” huh? It’s certainly okay to feel that way but for me, it’s still a little painful to hear .. just because it conjures up an image of a ladder with “24×7-had-the-surgeries” people at the top and everyone else down below and at various levels of “wannabe” … if you know what I mean.

      But I’d like to suggest that if a ladder exists, it should be turned upside down. Those who occasional do the dress up thing are at the top, those who just can’t exist without hormones and surgery at the other end of the scale. Because the more part time we are, the more we’re capable of being socially well-adjusted, of being a loving friend, spouse, parent, of having a sexual relationship, of earning a good living, of being to provide for those who need us and of being well-rounded politically instead of being consumed with special interest focus at all costs.

      I love my friends .. I really do … and probably wouldn’t change my life at all but in many ways I wish I had never been exposed to the judgmental, competitive, mean-spirited, arrogance that thrives once we cross the threshold you mentioned.

      You see, I thrive to be more like you describe yourself than to be like those perched so arrogantly on the other end of the scale.

      Thanks for taking the time to comment.

  6. I thought I’d revisit the blog today and see what I’ve missed 🙂

    Pauline, big hugs and say hi to that lovely gal who likes to hang out with you… hope to see you both soon!

    Jaime – I enjoyed reading the “ramblings”! I’m a big fan of rambling….I do it a lot myself 🙂 . My favorite form of literature!

    And Seleena – very insightful as always….. rock ‘n roll, sweet girl…..see ya soon!

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