Time Magazine Cover Girl Laverne Cox

SeleenaK_2011-10-21-14.38.17They’re saying she “has emerged as the public leader of the trans movement”.  Others are saying that any publicity is good publicity.  But as you might expect, I have mixed feelings about the whole thing.

Laverne Cox, star of the Netflix show Orange is the New Black, is a sweetie and a wonderful actress but she’s just a girl who happens to be transgender.  Did she volunteer to become the “public leader” Time declares her to be?  Does she even want the role?  She has an acting career and a lifestyle that goes with it.

Her story is a story we’ve heard a million times .. always knew she was a girl, bullied and harassed as a child, yadda, yadda .. but it’s a story that much of the mainstream world will be hearing for the first time.  And you know what they  say about the importance of first impressions? They’re important!

Strategy.  Make no moves without a strategy.  This is a mantra that served me well in the corporate world as well as my personal life and I think it applies to our quest for acceptance.  And with Ms Cox’s appearance in Time, we’re making a move, but if a strategy exists, it’s coming from a journalist.

“You don’t get a second chance to make a first impression”. ~ author unverifiable

Her interview is nice but certainly not that of a leader … at least not in my opinion.  Here are some partial quotes that sound Obama-like and lack the leadership qualities necessary to win over the uninformed world:

“I think what they need to understand is …”

“That’s what people need to understand … “

“People need to be willing to let go of what they think they know…”

“… they need to get to know us as human beings…”

“… you need to look at yourself ..”

Notice the word she uses over and over again?  “Need“.   I hate to inform Laverne but people don’t need to do anything.  Their life and their world feels just fine to them without understanding and accepting us.   Meet people face-to-face for the first time and tell them they need to know us as human beings and see how many friends you make.

We need.  We need a spokesperson who comes at the world with a respectful attitude.  A kind, likeable, attractive person, both in appearance and in spirit, who can get into the hearts of all she connects with.  Logic doesn’t work.  Rhetoric doesn’t work.  Demanding rights doesn’t work.  Helping the masses to want to accept us is the way to make things happen for us.

Tell me I’m naive and I’ll tell you the proof is in the pudding.  The LGB’s have left us behind in a cloud of dust.

Once again, I long for a Panti Bliss type personality to move to the forefront and lead us into an accepting world.   I love Laverne Cox but I’m afraid she is not that person.

She Wins Things, He Doesn’t .. and Lady Sonia

It’s strange how this works. My girl side is much luckier than my guy side.  She wins things – little things, but he never does. Let me tell you about my latest.

I’ve always been a big fan of businesses and personalities who actually use social media. It makes them interesting,  approachable and more attractive to someone like me.

SeleenaK_2886sOne of those personalities I’ve followed for along time on Twitter is Lady Sonia, the British MILF porn lady. Her “schtick” is the unfaithful wife fantasy. I’m not sure if she or her husband does the social media work but she’s quite entertaining. Sexy, interactive, fun and very real.  She also posts some very hot “teaser” photos.

So a few days ago, she asked the question “Quick competition for a free 24 hour pass to lady-sonia.com what are the *BEST* sheer-to-waist pantyhose (gusset-less) of course?” I pounced with an answer “Cecilia de Raphael 320’s” and won!  So I had tons of quality porn to watch for 24 hours.

Lady Sonia is a very sexy, well-spoken, charming woman with a pretty face, a fabulous body and very large boobs. She almost always wears hosiery and stilettos, her shoot location is fabulous, she plays with lots of gorgeous, extremely hung guys (some black, some white) and even some who are site members. She does some light fetish stuff and occasionally has other women join in but the core of her site is vagina sex, big cocks, blow jobs and hand jobs. Notably missing is anal and girl-girl.

My tastes are a little too pervy to be a member of her site but, I have to say, the action is hot. You can check her out here.

Now, back to my contest winning answer.  If you’re a pantyhose fan, you have to check out Cecilia de Raphael.  Italian-made and quite luxurious, they have many great styles.  My personal favourite are the 320’a.  They’re totally seamless, including the gusset area.  Although that look is quite interesting on a girl like me, I think it works best on a genetic woman.  And for those who are into oral sex through pantyhose, the 320’s are totally yummy.  Not inexpensive but worth the price, in my opinion.

They also make what could be the shiniest pantyhose on the market for those of us into the ultra high-gloss leg look.

Do a web search or visit your fave retailer.  Check them out!

The La Perla Mannequin Controversy

The high end lingerie retailer La Perla got in trouble recently for using an extremely thin mannequin in a New York store.  Both a customer and a Truth in Advertizing advocate complained, and within hours, the mannequin was removed and an apology issued.

Here’s an article about the drama in British Vogue called La Perla’s Mannequin Drama

Even a Facebook post by my favourite lingerie blogger asked the question “Do you find this mannequin offensive?”

Woah.  Wait just a minute there.  If this was a large body style mannequin, could we even ask that question?  The world would freak.

And what about if you have a body type just like, or similar to, that of the thin mannequin?  Vogue, a top lingerie blogger and a lingerie brand has either acknowledged or has entertained the concept that your body type is offensive?  They just can’t do that.

Forum discussions included reader comments about the Holocaust, eating disorders and starvation.  In my opinion, it’s no different that discussing a plus sized mannequin and making references to low self-esteem, junk food or lack of healthy lifestyle choices.  Not true and fair!!

If you read my nonsense, you know I’m not a big fan of critical correctness but sheesh.   When those who are super sensitive start getting hypocritical, I feel the need to speak up.

Truth in Advertizing dude,  which body-type segment of the buying public are you trying to protect?  Ye Who Is Addicted to Lingerie, your “No Body Snark” rule might have bend a little by the way the article and controversy was presented.

And La Perla, you’ve disappointed this girl.  The body type you’ve allowed to be deemed offensive is the exact body type some of your customers possess.

Or did I totally miss the point?

Photo credit: Twitter/Michael Rudoy

Crime, Punishment and Transition?

SeleenaK_2011-10-21-14.38.17So the US Pentagon is considering Bradley/Chelsea Manning’s move from a military prison to the Federal prison system where treatment for gender “issues” is available.  The dilemma they’re facing is somewhat of a catch 22 in my opinion.

Transgenders are not allowed in the US military, and therefore the treatment for this “disorder” is expulsion from the military.  But Manning can’t be discharged from the service until her sentence has been served.  And since they acknowledge that Manning is transgender, they’re forced to provide treatment or be accused of “cruel and unusual punishment”. So they’re trying to work out an arrangement with the Federal Prison System (who has treatment methods) to accept and treat her without first discharging her.

Now to anger you with my feelings.

In my opinion, Manning is a criminal and a traitor first and foremost.  She is “entitled” to nothing until her sentence has been served.  Although the expectation by the court system that someone found guilty will survive within the penal system until their sentence is served, I believe a minimums of care to make that happen should apply.

Secondly, it’s not unreasonable to believe that Bradley, not Chelsea, committed the  crimes and therefore Bradley, not Chelsea, should serve the time.  Yes, you can claim that Bradley has always been Chelsea, and yes, that’s certainly true but Manning enlisted and existed as a male, and only when there was nothing left to lose, came forward as Chelsea.

Manning is a coward.  She lacked the courage that so many trans folk are able to find that allows them to come out to the world while being fully aware of the potential consequences for doing so.

I understand desperation in a transgender world.  I’ve seen the tragic side of it. I understand the degree of desperation so many feel.  But I can’t help but wonder if Manning sold out her own country to get a government-sponsored gender transition.  Laugh if you like but I know many who feel that thirty five years in prison is a small price to pay to have a body that aligns with the brain.

Integrity means everything and  Manning has none.  She needed to put on her big girl panties, get a job, save her money and pay for her own medical care like every other trans person must. Special consideration should be reserved for those who show they can be great citizens and wonderful people .. not those who show no integrity and exhibit criminal behavior.

I believe the military, if left alone, would handle Manning  appropriately but once the Defense Secretary .. a civilian appointed by an insane regime .. get’s involved, things will quickly get silly.

I wish her a receding hairline *giggle*

Speaking of the inability to wear big girl panties, a Facebook “friend” is just over a month away from her genital reconstruction surgery date and claims to have less than 50 percent of the funds necessary to pay the bills associated with such surgery.  And she’s gone the crowd-funding route to beg for help.

For those of you who are not aware, crowd-funding is a method of raising capital, usually a few dollars each from a lot of contributors, to fund a project.  It started out as a means of bringing a product to market without conventional funding but now includes many “humanitarian” projects.   It’s the 21st century equivalent to panhandling or street begging.

“Fund me!”? Not a chance.  Within my means, I probably give more to others and to charity than most people but I’d be more likely to donate to save the Lyme-disease carrying deer tick foundation than I would to someone with that sense of entitlement.

So this is why transgender people shouldn’t be permitted in the military.  In my opinion, we’re unstable.  Because nature didn’t play by the rules when we wer assigned a gender and a brain, we’re incapable of understanding that, for a society to exist without anarchy, there must be rules .. and the rules won’t please everyone all the time.

We’ll stand behind those who’d sell out their country for estrogen, we book surgical facilities we can’t pay for and expect the world to “fund me”, and yet there are those like me who refuse to jump on anyone’s bandwagon, even when refusing to do so shows an extreme lack of compassion.

Until the world can figure out a reasonable way to deal with us,  let’s all just increase our visibility while we play by the rules, okay?   Because that is the only route to acceptance.



for more information: http://www.aol.com/article/2014/05/14/pentagon-oks-manning-transfer-for-gender-treatment/20885433/?icid=maing-grid7|main5|dl4|sec1_lnk1%26pLid%3D476170

Gender Dysphoria’s Smoking Gun?

Let me start by saying that the opinions expressed here are mine. I’m not a medical professional.

An article came to my attention recently that’s been on my mind lots.   It’s really a petition, not an article, and it’s written by a gentleman in the UK.  He’s petitioning the FDA to acknowledge that hormone therapy during pregnancy can lead to intersex genital development or transgender babies.

You can read the entire petition here but since it’s rather long, I’ll try to summarize it for you.

Between 1940 and 1980 (1971 in the US) doctors around the world commonly prescribed Diethylstilbestrol (DES) to pregnant women at high risk of miscarriage.  DES is a synthetic estrogen and the doses were huge .. some claimed them to have been the equivalent of a hundred birth control pills.

DES was sometimes prescribed in the first trimester but more often in the 2nd and 3rd.

I’m unable to verify this but the belief is that massive doses of “estrogen” in the 1st trimester – the time when physical genital development occurs – can lead to abnormalities; abnormalities we refer to as intersex .. often vagina/penis or ovary/testicle combinations in the same person.

I think it’s quite likely that the whole transgender phenomenon of recent times is largely being driven by people who were exposed to DES or other female hormone derivatives before birth. ~ petition  creator Hugh Easton

Massive doses of DES in the 2nd and 3rd  trimester of pregnancy, when brain development occurs, can be responsible for gender dysphoria (the mind of one gender and the body of the other) as well as non gender related problems such as depression, ADHD and autism.

If this is all true, it would explain a lot to many of us and might finally answer the question so many of us ask … why?

I can immediately make an observation that could discredit this way of thinking.  How do we explain transgenderism and the intersex condition before DES was used?  Historians tell us that transgenderism and “hermaphrodites”, as they were known back then, have been around for centuries.  And what about female-to-male transgenderism?

I suppose that if this were to be proven conclusively, an avalanche of lawsuits would follow and neither the pharmaceutical industry nor the medical community would like to see that.  And within the transgender world, there would likely be as much anger as there would be peace.

Maybe the DES treatment was overkill but at that time in history, even if the transgender risks were understood, the alternative would have been a risky pregnancy and a likely miscarriage.

So maybe being trans and alive isn’t such a bad deal.

Maybe it’s time to have a conversation with your mom, if you’re still able.  But wait until after Mother’s Day.


Note: I’ve created a survey here to try to gather some understanding from those who know about treatment their mother’s might have had while carrying them.  Please take moment to complete the survey and share it with the trans people in your life, whether there was a DES connection in their life or not. In fact, no DES connection is equally important in helping us understand.

It’s a non-scientific survey, or course, but it just might give us some food for thought.  And if doing a short survey is not your thing, you can check the live results here.

Doctor-Patient Confidentiality in the TG world

I have a couple questions.

I’m slightly familiar with the Canadian Medical Association’s stand on doctor-patient confidentiality and assume the rules are similar in most of the western world.  I’m also aware of  physician-patient privilege – the legal concept that prevents doctor-patient discussion from being used in a court of law, except under certain, very specific circumstances.

I do trust that doctor’s take this need for confidentiality very seriously but, to my knowledge, access to patient records is not restricted only to doctors.  Office staff, nurses, medical transcription people all might have access to those records.

SeleenaK_4763sReading about a “Get Tested” initiative here in Canada got me thinking.  The program is designed to make it easier for anyone to be tested for STD’s.  Is embarrassment or confidentiality concerns part or all of the reason we need discreet testing?

And are confidentiality concerns justified?

Does an HIV test imply a high-risk lifestyle? Does getting tested for chlamydia or gonorrhea imply careless promiscuity? Many of us in the lifestyle aren’t too quick to judge but what about the town gossip?

Ethics violations are serious charges for doctors but what about the doctor’s staff?  I would assume that dismissal would be the extent of the penalty for outing a patient to friends or acquaintances with “loose lips”.  Maybe not a big deal for those who change jobs and employers frequently but for the victim, it could be devastating.

The fact that a patient was tested for something, regardless of the results of the test, is likely as implicating as a positive test result.

So my questions are:

  • Is there something bigger preventing medical office personnel from telling the world about the documented discussions that go on between doctor and patient?
  • how common do you think it is for someone to be outed after visiting their doctor?

I personally have heard a medical office employee joke and laugh about a TG patient who comes in to the practice regularly for hormone therapy.  She volunteered so much detail that I thought she would have certainly provided a name if anyone asked for it.

Luckily no one asked.


more information is available at: